My heart hurts so much, as does the collective heart of our entire family. Why do such things happen? So close and yet a hardened heart can create more distance than once separated us physically. You have given me great insight into what our precious sons would have been like had they remained in state care, and I give thanks a million times over for their open and loving hearts. You hear what can happen to these children of Yours, and yet seeing it and feeling the self-imposed isolation first hand makes it all too clear.
You love us, you love our girls. Why can't this work? They are not bad children, on the contrary they are terrific kids. We are not a bad family, at least I have never thought so, and yet somehow this is not making any sense.
You know why, even if we don't. There are moments when I sure wish you would share your closely guarded secrets with us. It might help us make sense of the broken world we live in...a world where children can be damaged so greatly on the inside but appear healthy and whole on the outside. And yet our world places far more importance on the exterior than the interior, doesn't it?
What a shame.
We are here, God, waiting to be used somehow. However you want is fine with us. Down to the Littlest LaJoy we stand before you with love to offer and share, arms open wide.
You need to work it out. We can't.
Give us the gift of amazing discernment right now. For we are too emotionally sucked in to see the larger picture. Be with us every moment, for we are tired beyond belief and in need of rest. Carry us, as we feel at moments we can not lift our foot one more time to plod on.
Make sense of this, please???
Help us to do what is right and good, help us to cause no harm. Let us hear Your voice over all others, as often what You want is not what others think is best. There are many who care, and we are grateful. But it is Your guidance we seek with every breath we take...for we simply can not do this alone. Let us have courage, regardless of the outcome. Let others see how hard this is, and hold their tongues of judgment should we do what they feel we ought not. And let us be gracious and loving in all we do, always.
You have brought us so far, bring us to where you want us to be in this. Teach us what we need to learn. Let our hearts be open to whatever unfolds...don't let this harden us.
Thank you for all, for the desperate cold, for the warmth of love in our apartment, for the peace we share, for the expressions of faith in us from afar. You have given us much to be thankful for, we have no cause for anger.
But we are so sad, we are so very, very sad. Your children should never have to go through this, they should never be so walled up at 11 or 9 years old. It has served them well for so long, but it is what stands in the way of blessings unfolding.
Be with us. Please.