The Call

For the first time in months and months, I think I just might sleep tonight. How many late nights have there been, when sleep eluded me, when faces danced in my dreams? Tonight as the house is finally quiet, my heart feels at peace. I can rest well, knowing the finish line is almost in sight.

When we got the call this morning, I couldn't believe it and dared not let my heart lift as I heard the lilt in Leonette's voice. I didn't really even squeal all that much, and as I hung up the phone I was pretty matter of fact as I was just notified that a years long dream was coming true. I think I was more dumbfounded than anything, as I picked up the phone to call Dominick who said "Are you kidding me?" more than once. I didn't really experience the high I had expected, more a sense of utter relief that all of this might be coming to an end soon. But then again, I am a pretty practical Virgo sort of person, who feels secure when all my ducks are in a row...and at the moment we have a lot of little ducks to get in line!! I think it will be like the boys' adoptions, when I didn't really feel it until we arrived at the orphanage and were brought to meet them. Not even getting on the plane felt like it was all "real". There were no tears, but they too didn't fall at this stage in the past with the boys, but instead chose to arrive later, after we were home and settled and the stress of it all was behind us. For make no mistake of it, we still have a long journey to make and are by no means "done". When everyone else assumes the journey has ended, we know the truth of it is that the real journey won't even begin until they are home.

However I will admit to almost letting go with one person on the phone today when I said that what was so important to me was that we wouldn't be missing yet one more Christmas together, and I found those words sticking in my throat.

Thank you to all who called, emailed, Facebooked (is that a verb these days?), and let us know how happy you were for us. I had one incredibly special call with a waiting Kyrgyz mom today which left me more humbled than I have ever been in my life, and grateful that someone was willing to share their heart. I know I sounded like a complete idiot on the phone with our Pastor as she called immediately upon learning of our excitement. That's OK though, as knowing her she will forgive my idiocy easily :-) I also was so touched by all the offers of help from so many...as if we already hadn't received more than our fare share of care from everyone. Everything from taking care of Matthew to give me some time to simply "be" (can't tell you how much that one got to me, that someone would understand), to help around the house or shopping or whatever we needed. Right now I am not sure at all what we really need, if anything, but just knowing that we have this great Fan Club standing in the wings to take over should we falter is enough to make me cry. Thank you!

Oh how grateful we are!! Words truly can't describe it, this is so amazing to think about. The timing is perfect in many ways, despite how much we of course wish we had been going sooner. I finished my ministry classes for the semester this past Saturday (I am now officially half way done!), the boys have their last TaeKwonDo class and rank test on Monday night, we had been waiting for Matthew's Netbook to arrive that his school ordered so we could have it for the trip and we picked it up yesterday and he is now ready to rock with homeschool while we are gone, and Kenny and Josh will actually miss less school with the Christmas holiday in the middle of the trip. The bad part is the burden being placed on our amazing staff at the cafe this time of year, people we love who will hold down the fort while we are gone during a very stressful time, and our gratitude knows no bounds for their talents and hard work.

So at the moment we have clothing and travel games and backpacks strewn across the living room floor. There is hope found there among the piles, there is excitement and courage and adventure thrown in the mix.

And staring back at me from our fridge are faces, smiles, twinkling eyes as someone put it today. There is a future which is unknown to all of us, and yet 7 hearts will soon be joined forever as we make pledges to one another to become a family where a little estrogen gets thrown in for good measure. The time for fears and trepidation, all of which are very real and not exaggerated in the least, has passed. I have always said with each of our adoptions (and somehow I am still amazed that I can actually say "each"...that there wasn't just one!) that I never wanted to step on that plane with a heavy heart, uncertain if we were making the right decision or were ruining our family forever. This time is no different, and the bubbling up in my heart began today when finally it felt safe to say "It's really going to happen!". And whatever day we do step on that plane I can tell you without reservation that there will be no doubts, there will be no holding back, there will be no cause for concern. We all will run straight into this experience with our arms flung wide, waiting to embrace our daughters and sisters. For even if it turns out to be challenging, it will still be what God wants for our lives for that has been made crystal clear. And who knows? Maybe...just maybe...it won't be all that hard after all. Prepare for the worst, pray for the best.

Please continue to follow along with us, we need you now more than ever. We need your prayers for our safety as we travel so far from home, we need your prayers for the adjustment of all of us as we begin the process of adding two more to Team LaJoy, we need your prayers of gratitude to be shouted up to heaven so God can hear clearly how glorious and amazing this is!

I'll try to post as I can over the coming days, don't worry, I won't leave you in the dark! How could I? You all have been with us every step of the way...you gotta complete the trip with us!

So good night all, the marathon begins!! And it is awesome to know we are not running it alone...

Pray on THIS One

How cool would it be for us to leave Thanksgiving Day (yes, in ONE week) and go to court on CHRISTMAS DAY!!! It is being suggested by our agency, but as you all know it means so much has to fall in place perfectly....but what a fitting ending to this incredible journey we have been on.

More later...phone is ringing again :-)

Oh HAPPY DAY!!!!

I am FINALLY giddy!!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!

Yes!!!!!!!!!!

Thank You God...thank you so much...so much to be thankful for...so much love...

I'll write more later, but as you all can tell,

WE GOT THE CALL!!!

ABC's "Find my Family"

I wrote this a couple of nights ago when I couldn't sleep, before the call came. I figured I might as well post it now or we might have so much else going on it will never get posted!

I just received an email from an adoption group I belong to online which brought to my attention a new show that will be airing on ABC on Monday. It is called "Find my Family" and will feature adoption reunions. The person who brought this to the list was offended by the concept, as will be many other adoptive families I am sure. What bothered them was that birth families would be called "family".

I went to the web site which features a promo that you can view here: http://abc.go.com/shows/find-my-family

After viewing the quick promo I had to step away and think about this. How do I feel about such a show? Does it somehow devalue us as an adoptive family by using the word "family" when speaking of birth parents? How would I feel, as an adoptive mom, if one or all of our children came to me asking to seek out their birth parents or wanting to arrange a meeting after having found them?

I realize this is such a sensitive area for all involved in the adoption triad. All are coming from unique and very different perspectives, emotions run quite deep as we all know. And somehow, I always seem to fall in the camp that is least popular when it comes to such things, and then ocassionally find myself attacked for not knowing what something feels like or "thinking" I would react one way when others insist I would act another.

The fact is, I am not offended at all by calling biologically connected people "family". There, as unpopular as that may seem, I said it. I have never cared one whit if someone refers to the boys' birth mom's as their "real mom", I have no need to rip away the image of another mom from my kids. We did not adopt overseas in order to wipe out all possibility that our kids would ever meet their birth families. In fact, at moments I would give everything we own to be able to provide Matthew, Kenny and Joshua with some tangible proof of their life before orphanages and America. A photo as a keepsake and touchstone, to know who they look like. A memory, hopefully loving, of a mother's sacrifice and love for her child whom she wished she did not have to relinquish. A family anecdote, so that they might know whose traits they carry. Anything would be precious.

We have nothing. And for those of you adopting infants, it matters.

We are far enough down the road now to have thoughts expressed and questions asked. We have had children look up at us and ask "You told me real mommies never leave their babies, why did she leave me?" or "Do you think I have any brothers or sisters that look like me?" or even "Do you think my first mom and dad have enough food to eat?". We have lived through nights filled with angry rages, with sorrowful cuddles as one analyzed that he was too ugly for his mom to want to keep him. We have had thoughtful comments from the back seat when watching extended families walk into Walmart as one said "Mommy, I have grandmas and grandpas back in Kazakhstan, don't I?" as it finally clicked that there was more lost than just a bio mom.

Whether you want to believe it or not, whether it is politically correct or not, whether it hurts your feelings or not, when you adopt, your children do come with strings attached. And yes, you do gain additional family, even if that is not what you bargained for nor what you want to call them. For regardless of how it might rankle you, for your child, there was another mom and dad...there was and always will be another family out there. You can depersonalize it all you want by insisting haughtily in front of others that they never refer to your child's biological mom as their "real mom", you can regale them with all the facts about how many diapers you changed and how many late night feedings you handled which give you the right to proclaim "real mom" status. And your child will hear this and may not argue in front of you, but you can never deny the difference in genetics, and you can NEVER fill the gaping hole that adoption often leaves in some children's hearts.

Real mom or not, you did not abandon them, and that question will forever remain caught in their throat.

How silly and selfish of us to make this more about us and our feelings than about our children and theirs! If you really ARE the "real mom", then you need to put yourself aside and recognize the yearning in your child's heart to know who they really are and where they came from. Because from the very beginning, it is no,t nor should it ever be, more about us than it is about them. Sometimes, that is easy to forget.

And if you are the "real mom", nothing can ever change that or take that away. Not titles, not others' words, not the lack of genetics. Real moms are there through thick and thin, that doesn't get washed away by reunions. Sure, there might be a fairytale like quality for awhile, but isn't there when any meaningful relationship enters our children's lives? Isn't it our job to help them celebrate and sort it all out...not jealously guard our own place in our children's lives?

So while I may not think this is the best idea for a TV show because I think certain things should be held sacred and not for public consumption, I am not at all disturbed by the premise nor the title of the show. In my mind, that would be dishonoring my family...not the ones you are thinking of, but the ones I too have never met...the mothers and fathers of my children.

Thank God for the sacrifice of those family members.

What's New?

Sorry I have been silent on the blog the past few days. Not really sure why. We have been busy, yes, and battling colds, but I think more of it is emotional than anything. As the month draws on with no word about a travel date, it grows harder and harder for me not to pull inward and isolate myself. Dominick mentioned he noticed it and I hadn't realized it until he said it, or at least not to the same degree. It is a sense that I want to hunker down and cover my head with a blanket, or maybe hibernate until our family can finally become whole...for it feels very much incomplete at the moment and as the holidays approach it makes it even more difficult to put on a happy face and pretend my heart isn't hurting.

But I do realize it is not the end of the world, that our life is very, very good and I really have nothing to complain about. Truly, could I ask for more in this world, and should I dare insinuate that what we have is not enough????

And yet...the loneliness that I know exists halfway around the world reaches into the very core of my soul and will not leave me alone. I can not run away from it no matter how I try to dress it up.

I am also trying to battle a minor cold that both Kenny and Josh had earlier this week but seemed to fight off. It's not looking like I will be so lucky.

We have had some great fun here though, as we celebrated Kenny's birthday this past Sunday. Although he turned 11, it was only his 3rd ever celebrated and he still very much anticipates it with the excitement of a much younger child. He bounded into our room Sunday morning declaring loudly in a sing song voice "It's my birthday, it's my birthday!". Although we tend to keep it low key, we did have a couple of his friends over and he had his special treat of cheesecake rather than a traditional birthday cake. He also got a special traditional gift of a watermelon from Miss Jill, who has taken it upon herself to provide that every year after doing so once and having Kenny remind us over and over that he got a watermelon for his birthday. He LOVES it and could eat an entire one all by himself if we let him!

Now I don't want any of you laughing at us here, but I want to share with you what our gift to Kenny was. You ready for this? A doll house. Yes, you read that right. That is all he has talked about for the past couple of months, and recently he was playing with one at a friend's house and I realized he really needs one. He loves playing pretend and this allows him to play pretend with a family. Now, if any of you have priced doll houses lately, you will know those little suckers aren't cheap. So on a whim I went to Hobby Lobby and found a small kit which was within our price range and so it was double the fun...he can have the challenge of putting it together (and forcing him to read diagrams and instructions isn't so bad either!) and then have a finished product he can be proud of AND play with! When we saw his face as he opened it up we knew we made the right choice, and already he has spent 3 evenings working on it diligently. Here are a couple of pictures below:

It was a couple of weeks of surprises as Matthew also got a thoughtful and touching surprise. We received a package that was addressed to him, but had had no clue what was in it and neither did I. Can you imagine how excited he was to open it up and find an updated version of his favorite blankie!! Yes, the one that had long ago been lost, that was threadbare and tattered from being so loved, was lovingly replaced by our "Blankie Grandma"!! I think what I love the most is that at 10 years old, his heart is still such that a gift like this would have him jumping up and down with excitement. I know they will eventually grow up, and to most who meet him he often presents as more mature than his age mates. But what some people don't understand is that maturity does not necessarily mean a loss of innocence or delight. How thankful I am that Matthew still exhibits those qualities!!! Here is his face as he relishes his new gift:

Now, I know what some of you out there might be thinking. These are 10 and 11 year old boys...aren't they a little old for this stuff? To that I would ask "Since when?". It is so sad to me that in today's society, we pressure our children to grow up so fast. They are exposed to all sorts of material from so many different directions that over-sexualize them, that shove violence in their faces 24/7, that encourage insolence towards their parents as a way of being humorous. Why? Why can't our kids preserve their innocence a tad bit longer? Why can't their childhoods last as long as our parents' did? That doesn't mean withholding information from them about "real life". But it does mean not subjecting them to the attitudes that convey to them that they must act as if they are bored 17 year olds when they are 10 or 11. And in Kenny's case, we feel it is imperative that he have the chance to relive the childhood he never really got to have...or we are afraid he will continue to search to live that out in inappropriate ways when he is older. Maybe we are wrong, I don't know, but while we don't want children who are naive, I also don't want to have them thinking that the MTV lifestyle is what life is all about.

Mom had a surprise too, as one of my longtime internet buddies surprised us with a "Family Shower in a Box", which was a total hoot. What this woman didn't think of! Everything from grass skirts and wigs for the boys with fake wax lip mustache's to party games to food the boys could fix to surprise me. We had so much fun and laughed like crazy the entire time!

And here is Dominick looking striking in HIS wig :-)

Homeschooling continues to be a learning adventure for both Matthew and I, both of us morphing into new beings as we internalize what homeschooling really means for us. It really requires a new way of thinking, of "deschooling" as long time homeschoolers call it. We are gradually getting there, as I do more and more research and as Matt relaxes and gets back to having learning be more meaningful and less test oriented.

Unfortunately, I am not the kind who can just casually take on something new. For me to feel confident and secure, I have to do an extreme amount of investigation and analyze it all 15 different ways. It can be annoying to poor Dominick as I hash and rehash everything, but by now he has learned to live with it. But it does allow me to wrap my mind around new information and take from it what is applicable to our life and discard the rest.

Being a home educator is requiring us to look at what long term goals we have for all the kids, what we feel is important for them to know by the time they head out on their own someday. Often it is very different than what the State thinks our kids should know or will focus on teaching them. For example, for us it is important that the boys are exposed to the arts in various forms. And by that we mean far more than half an hour once a week in school. Why? Does that lead to a good career or get them into a good college? Well...barring scholarships for some as-yet-to-be-revealed talent, no. But it does lead to a lifetime of pleasure and appreciation of music and art, it might lead to a hobby which will be with them until the day they die. It might provide them with a way of expressing themselves or appreciating that their own emotions are expressed through the music or art of others.

It is also important that they understand how the adult world in which they will live functions. I can't to begin to tell you how surprised I have been over the past several years to be in conversations with young adults who are already out in the working world and have no idea how corporations make many or function, how loans work, what insurance is for other than meeting a state requirement, how the stock market works and why it exists, how an idea becomes a law, what those in our major roles in government do, and so many other things. They may be "educated" and know a lot of facts about botany, they may have obscure dates memorized of events in history (and I do mean obscure, not dates like Sept. 11th or the day the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor)...but they can't tell you within 200 years when the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth or where Asia is. All anyone has to do is watch Jay Leno for his street walking questions to see that is not at all an exaggeration. What good is it to be able to tell me you memorized the periodic table of elements if you can't negotiate a fair and reasonable deal on a car loan? Unless you are going to be a scientist, which skill is more valuable? I am not suggesting that you give up one for the other but I think in our zest for working towards college entrance exams we have neglected to teach our kids the practical things that we took for granted they would learn somewhere along the line in school. Like how interest works on savings accounts and loans.

But I digress (see, it has been a few days and now I am running off at the mouth...or is that the keyboard?), Even with Matthew home now, there must be something permeating the air around here in terms of an excitement about learning. Here is what we are seeing often these days:

I love this shot and hope that somehow we can keep the excitement and enthusiasm going...not in any sort of attempt to create geniuses (Lord knows that ain't happenin' around here!) but to have the boys love learning and know HOW to learn. If we can accomplish that alone, we will have succeeded in my book.

To see Matthew finally back to being as engaged in learning as he was couple of years ago, has been awesome. A couple of weeks ago he discovered this old series of books called "Landmark" which were published from the 1950's through the 1970's. They are books of about 200 pages each which are biographies or true stories of events and people from our past. He started with "The Winter at Valley Forge", and loved it so much he went on to read "Custer's Last Stand" in 2 days! I knew we had "made it" when the other day he was reading in the car and we arrived at Walmart, and he slowly backed out of the car door, book in hand, trying to read just one more sentence before he had to put it down. He had to take "The Sinking of the Bismark" to TaeKwonDo tonight so that he could read it on the way home when Dominick picked them all up. It is that hunger for reading and learning which I had seen drifting away, it was that which prompted me to recognize we had a serious problem and had to make a change, drastic though it may have appeared to some. I don't know how many times in the past couple of weeks I have told Dominick how grateful I am that we made this choice for Matthew, because it has been such a gift to me to see him delighted with learning again. The side effect on Josh and Kenny is no small thing either.

And finally, you will have to tolerate this space looking a little like the front of a typical suburban housewife's fridge. In the spirit of recording more for the boys so I don't have to keep every art project forever and ever around the house, I have to post artwork from both Kenny and Matthew so that I may eventually be allowed to toss some items and not have to buy a $20,000 storage shed to hold it all! But with artwork like this, it isn't such an eyesore to look at, and I actually enjoy it! Not like my poor mom who suffered with this outright ugly tree I did in 1st or 2nd grade that had tissue paper glued to it for leaves and stayed affixed to our metal pantry door for about 20 years. No kidding, it was still there when I got married! Now THAT'S devotion! I had a much better mom than I'll ever be :-)

Here are Kenny's palm trees, which I loved because they were so unique! The geometric patterns on the trunk were totally cool. Below is Matthew's latest work from art class which he did today and was quite proud of. I can always tell if he likes what he has done, as he won't show it to me until we get out to the car.