Monday, December 14, 2009

The Day After

It is 9:00 AM, dark as midnight outside, and our hearts are tender right now. Josh and Kenny are asleep, I have been up for 2 hours and Dominick for 4. He and Matthew are watching a movie quietly on our bed.

How do we feel today? Loved. Very depressed. Not hopeful. Loved. Puzzled. Beaten. Loved.

For as many comments as you have read posted we have had at least as many emails if not more. Our church family was, not surprisingly knowing those amazing people, the first ones to reach out to us via private emails and must have been blog stocking simply so they could offer support immediately. It helped.

We will definitely check out the possibility of other children available who might fit in our family. We are not encouraged as it seems other families here in the last year have met resistence with referrals or struggled to find their children and made more than one trip here which we will not do. We are going to exhaust all possibilities so that we can be certain we have not missed someone God may intend for us, we will try to be as open as we can under the circumstances and will see what transpires. The timing of this is not good as tomorrow and Thursday are national holidays here for Independence Day. But we will fight the good fight and see what happens.

I received one email today in particular that caused Dominick and I both to look at one another and realize we were ashamed of ourselves. John Wright, the missionary to Kyrgyzstan over at www.actofkindness.blogspot.com emailed and offered his support. And he reminded us of something that Jayne Schooner once told him when he was overwhelmed with the needs set before him, and they are too numerous to count. These words will guide us through the coming days:

"Stop for the one in front of you."

We don't want to feel like we are "kid shopping" as this is abhorent to us and makes this part of our journey incredibly difficult. But we realized that if we are going to be open to this part of our unexpected journey, we need to throw away all preconceived notions and do exactly as advised..."stop for the one in front of us" and see if that child is a fit even if that child is not what we might have envisioned. Yesterday when a particular child was mentioned to us, we realized we glossed over that so quickly that we may have dismissed God speaking to us and we are ashamed. Thanks to John's wisdom, we will not allow ourselves to do that.

If we leave here without a child, which is highly possible, it won't be because we closed our hearts or minds. We will be able to say we were open to God doing whatever is desired for our family.

And as I type this today, I am at peace with the decision we made yesterday. Totally at peace, it was definitely the right thing for any of the 7 of us. I am grateful that on the "day after" we all feel very positive about that.

Today we begin anew. Are we 5 or are we more? Time will tell.

Hearts won't heal for a long time come. But move on we must, and will do so to tbe best of our abaility.

Thanks for your support and encouragement. We need it now more than ever, and we pray God has yet more plans for us here.

18 comments:

Kim Adams said...

My prayers are with you.

Kelly and Sne said...

I am so sorry for you and Angela and Oleysa for the decision that you all had to make. I understand that you are making a decision that is right for you and your family and I'm happy you are at peace with it now. I'm also hoping that God speaks to you loud and clear in a more positive way very very soon.

Anonymous said...

Dear LaJoy family,
On this next day of your unpredictable adventure I wish you comfort and that you continue to find peace with your decision. It was a tough one, to say the least, and you did not make it alone - the girls made their decision as well. Hopefully, as they are dealing with their own grief, they are also finding some peace in knowing they are not leaving the only "home" they now know. You all remain heroes to me, showing such bravery by putting your unconditional love out there so generously.
Love you lots! Miss Joan

Mary from TN said...

Cindy,

Please know that I continue to lift your family up in prayer. I know that God won't let you down. He is not surprised by what has happened.

It has been hard on our children, 11 & 9, as we have waited for two years to bring our little boy home from Kyrgyzstan. I am praying for your boys. It's so hard when things just don't make sense.

May the peace of God envelop your family during this time.

Hugs,
Mary from TN

Anonymous said...

Hi Girl,
Praying for you all! I did a presentation today and was going through photos on my computer and there was a pic of your girls with the big bows on their head.
Oh Cindy, I am with you IN this!
I am with Dominick, Matthew, Kenny, and Joshie.
My prayers are with you!

Tami Snowden

Anonymous said...

Are you required to stick with this orphanage or can you go to Poludno (sp?)? I think it is in the same region. I am sure there are others too.

God Bless all of you!
Teresa F.

Lou Ann said...

Team LaJoy,
I'm one of the many who have read your blog on and off for years and was so excited when I read that you were able to head out together to grow your family in Kaz once again. Reading about the heartache all 7 of you have experiences does make you wonder what God's plan is. But He clearly has a plan and hopefully you are now walking down the path He intended you to walk. My thoughts and prayers are with you all as you tentative step forward once again hoping to complete your family through the frightfully wonderful process of international adoption in Kazakhstan. I remember meeting my sweet baby girl in a baby house in Kaz just a couple of years ago and know what a leap of faith it takes. You ALL clearly have that courage and I'm sure will find the strength to move forward, be it with new members of Team LaJoy or the amazing family you already have.

My prayers and thoughts are with you all.

Lou Ann, mom to Lexie from Aktau Kaz
www.louannsadoption.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Prayig for all of you on this new day!

Teresa

Anonymous said...

cindy we are praying for ya'll. I am so sorry cuz I know what tis meant to you. I am reminded of the old saying "When God closes a door somewhere He opens a window." Here's hoping your window flies open soon. Again we are praying. Love you guys.

Anonymous said...

sorry i forgotto sign my name. The last post is from Erin hines

J said...

Dear Cindy and Family,

I am pretty sure that there are children in Poludino orphanage (ages 4 to 7). I saw the same boys there (last October 2008) being passed over time and time again, they were wonderful boys too......very friendly and smiling, and wanting to initiate conversation. I wish I could mention names (not advisable), but I know at least one little boy whose mother died. And the director at Poludino and staff are wonderful people. These boys that I met, including 2 brothers, continue to play on my mind. I am sure that you will find a child or children that need a home. Remember that the PAPs who had to return usually wanted children from the babyhouse, and were not open to the children older than 3 years. GL. J

Anonymous said...

Cindy, Dom, Kenny, Matthew, Josh,
I'm sorry--inadequate words for a deep sorrow. What courage, grace, love, and wisdom each of you is offering to the girls, to the situation, and to us. There is yet more light to shine forth...I half remember a quote about to the effect that we lay our stories upon our hearts so that when they [hearts] break the stories (lessons) fall in. Your story has fallen into my heart. Keep your hearts open.
Love to each of you,
Lael

Laura said...

You have made the right(but difficult)choice. We adopted our first Kaz kid 10 years ago, and a sister from Poludina a couple years later. The big girls will always be a part of you, but I know there is a younger child who needs to be "sprung" from an orphanage there.

Catherine said...

Thank you for sharing your journey and being so open with your feelings. What an amazing family you are. My prayers are with you.
Catherine

Michele said...

Dear Team LaJoy,
I'm so sorry to read that you had to stop your plans with A and O. I can't imagine how hard this past week has been on all of you. I couldn't stop crying as I read your last two posts. I feel so sorry for A and O, for what they can't accept. Their fear of the unknown. I will keep them in my prayers that they have a wonderful life, happy with their decision. Oh, what could have been.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish you all peace during this difficult time.
Michele

James in NYC said...

LaJoy family I have been praying for both your family and the girls that all of you be at peace. I know god has a plan for your family.

I recently just started following your blog and was trying to fit all the pieces together how you meet the 2 girls. I know you said you had removed the previous entries until things were sorted out. I totally understand if you dont want to share the details.

Praying for you

Anonymous said...

My prayers are with all of you. This has been a very difficult time. I am glad that you will consider another child or children. Tomorrow is another day...look for some kind of joy in each day. Time will help a little to heal. Pat

Anonymous said...

Praying for all of you. So sorry to read the news. I so hoped the girls would have had that Lajoy family they deserved. Keep trusting in God and he'll lead you.
The Davignons