"Mommy? Do mommies who make babies and adopt babies love them both the same?"
Hmmmm...I wondered to myself where this one came from.
I asked him what made him think of that and he said he didn't know, he was just thinking.
I said that I thought that almost all mommies who made a baby and adopted a baby loved them both equally. I reminded him of our dear friends who have had the experience of both and asked him "Do you think they love one kid more than another? Did you notice them treating them any differently when we were there this summer?".
He admitted he didn't, and I could see he was chewing on that one a little while.
Then he asked "But do you think there are some mommies who adopt because they couldn't make babies, like you and daddy, then they make a baby by surprise and wish they hadn't adopted or don't like the adopted baby as much?"
I said "Well, of the millions of adoptions over the years, sure, I guess there probably were some mommies once in a great while like that...but definitely not many."
"Good...I wouldn't want the adopted baby to feel bad."
I thought we were done so I turn back to washing dishes in lovely brownish water. Then I hear a little more quietly...
"Mommy...do you and Daddy ever wish YOU had made a baby instead of going through all this to get us?".
OK...obviously time to stop washing dishes.
I sat down across from him and said "No, the truth is Kenny you are my child, Matthew, Joshie, Angela and Olesya are all my children. I do not and never have wished we had made a baby."
"Why not? Isn't that what every mommy wants?" he asked with great surprise.
I replied honestly "I wanted to be a mommy, that was what was important...not that I made a baby."
"But it would have been easier, wouldn't it?"
Thinking of labor pains versus this past month...hmmm before this I might have said yes, now I am totally not sure but I respond "Maybe in some ways, you might be right...but not in any important ways."
"But isn't it a lot of paperwork, and don't you wish you could just come and get kids and not have to do fingerprints over and over again and stuff like that?"
I laughed "Oh for sure! I get SO SICK of the paperwork! But, it still doesn't mean I'd rather have a baby versus having each of you guys."
Then we get to the point of the conversation...
"So are you glad you will have the girls who will look like you and not have just us boys who are Kazakh and Kyrgyz and don't look like you at all?"
Ahhhhh....now I am getting it.
I made him look me straight in the eye. I said "Kenny, do you really think that matters to me or Daddy at all? Do you think we are adopting the girls to have someone around that looks more like us? We had a choice each and every time and if that were important to us, we could have adopted Russian kids...we think our Kazakh and Kyrgyz sons are beautiful...just like we think our Russian daughters are beautiful!"
He smiled and said "But you care more about our pretty hearts."
I grinned back "Yes, WAY more than I care about how handsome you are...and you are totally handsome."
He looked down and said "Not so much, and I don't look like you guys at all."
I grabbed his hand across the table and in true LaJoy fashion I joked "Yea...and aren't YOU lucky you don't look like Daddy or I? Man, you would be one ugly kid if we had made you!!!"
Then Kenny giggled in his high pitched Kenny way and said "Moooommmm..." and then he was on his way to go read with the boys.
We know the issue will come up often, we know people will make assumptions about the girls being our bio kids and the boys being the "adopted ones". People will see skin color and jump to conclusions. Thankfully, in our family, we look much further below the surface than just skin deep.
And frankly, despite the fact that like every mommy in the world of COURSE I think our kids are beautiful...I believe Kenny is right, I think I like their pretty hearts the best.