Saturday, November 07, 2009

God's Little Reminders to be Grumpy No More

After "Grumpy Friday" it looks like God is giving me a little hiney kick and giving me a "Grateful Saturday". We all need a little hiney kick now and then, and I certainly did...and the reminder I received was a powerful one.

There is so much going on in our home right now, so much in terms of transitions and anticipation and low level anxiousness that we are all dealing with to the best of our ability. Most of it is wonderful and not at all really worrisome, just leaving each and every one of us a little unsettled I think as we are uncertain exactly what the future holds.

One gradually snowballing change around here is the obvious attitude shift about school and education. As we all work through our anxieties and fears about homeschooling, and as we open up to thinking about education less in terms of "school" and more in terms of "life learning" it is remarkable what is going on in our home. A true transformation is taking place, and all of the kids are beginning to enjoy learning more.

For example, as we decided to look for a new computer to replace my broken baby ::sob sob::, I told Matthew we would go to Office Depot and do some comparison shopping before making any decisions. We were ready to hop into the car yesterday and he said "Wait Mom!" and he ran to get a clipboard and paper, and he proceeded to question me on the drive to the store about what features we were looking for in a new laptop, what price range would be acceptable, etc. and then on his own he created a comparison chart with 7 categories. When we were in the store he was carefully looking over the battery life of each model, and telling me which brands/models should be off our list because he felt they were "too cheaply made". We narrowed it down to a couple of choices and his research and chart paid off mightily today when we learned of a early "Black Friday" sort of sale at Walmart (Thanks Vegas!) where our #1 model was on sale for $298! Knowing we had already done our research carefully and realizing this would save us at least $170 over the sale price at Office Depot, we were able to leave the house in a flurry to try and get the last one available...which we did. Dominick and I both complimented Matthew on helping us be prepared to jump so quickly on the great deal without fear of not having researched as well as we should have!

Later this afternoon Matthew was in his bedroom working on a physics science kit we bought him a couple of Christmas' ago which he had never really gotten into all that much. Today he created 4 different models and had us all amazed with his understanding of friction and counterweight. In the meantime, Joshua was carrying around a composition book all day, saying he wanted to write all day long. He has decided he absolutely loves writing (along with bugs and science), and he told me the other day he wished all he had to do in school is write. Today alone he wrote 16 pages in his composition book!! This kid LOVES to get his thoughts out on paper, and it is such fun to watch him.

This afternoon he asked if he could go sit in the recliner in our bedroom and think about the story he was going to write, because it was quieter in there. Thinking he was going to continue to write a Batman story he had been working on, I encouraged him to take all the time he wanted...and it was through his unexpected writing today that God worked through Josh to remind me just what this challenging time of waiting is all about.

While I know for many of you this is an unimportant post, please remember that this is our family diary, and serves as a tool of remembrance for so many stages and events. So indulge me, if you will, or return next time I post, but this needs to be recorded for him someday, so he will know how much he touched my heart and how I was reminded that this time of waiting for our family will lead to such great joy, even if we at first find that it might be extremely challenging as we meld into a family of 7.

Below is the story Josh wrote, and I am including all the pages not because I think any of you might be able to figure out what he is saying (He is only 6 and in 1st grade, so if you are expecting Thoreau you need to reconsider! Haha!), but because I want him to see his own writing someday. Here it is, all 9 pages of it:

He emerged from the bedroom after about an hour, and his face was glowing with excitement as he asked to show me what he had written. So he sat on the couch between Dominick and I, and we began to read together:

My Life

Once upon a time there was a baby named Joshua LaJoy and he had a bad baby life. He finally stopped and he finally gave in on his mother and he grew up and had a big gift in his life. It was love and forgiveness and care.

He was the best kid in his class and he did not care he if he got “O”’s or “S-“ or “S”. He was in TaeKwonDo and he loved it so much he said he will stay in it until I am a four degree black belt and he did not care so much about sports. He he go’ed (went) to Kyrgyzstan that’s how he got his older brother and the water there was icky water and you could get very sick and you will have diarrhea very bad and that’s where we got my brother Kenny. I know I did not mention him at the beginning of the story and my other family members of the family.

I don't know what prompted this, how he went from Batman to biography. Of course I was in tears, and so was Dominick. God knew exactly what I needed today, what would fill up my soul and give me peace...and it came in the form of imperfect, humorous, diarrhea mentioning little boy writing filled with love for his life and his family. "...and he grew up and had a big gift in his life. It was love and forgiveness and care." Oh God, how you have given ME such a big gift in this life!!!

The wait is worth it, the struggles we will inevitably have as adjustments to a new life are made are worth it, how could I ever, even for a moment, think otherwise? How could my frustration cause me to wish that we had not been in the middle of this messy adoption for so long?

And how in the world did Dominick and I ever come to be the parents of these children? Man, just when I think nothing would ever surpass the special little moments we have already had, another one comes along that takes us to yet another level of love for these amazing kids of ours. I know everyone feels that way about their kids, as well they should, for if you have ceased to be intrigued, amazed and humbled by your experience as a parent then you are missing out on so much!!

I also know our kids are no more special or precious than any of yours out there, but I love to remind myself as often as possible of what a gift they are to us...and of how empty our hearts would have been had we given in to fear and not moved forward with our very first adoption. It can be SO easy to let fear get the best of you, to imagine all the possible worst case scenarios. Surprisingly, it can prove difficult to let your mind wander towards the BEST case scenarios! We gird ourselves for the trials that may lay ahead, for that is the wise thing to do. But those of you who are waiting, make a point of stopping for just a moment every once in awhile and let those walls come down a tiny bit. Allow yourself those dreams of playing catch in the backyard, of bedtime kisses and stories, of "I love you all the way to the moon and back" whispered sleepily in your ear.

I can guarantee you, the reality will far exceed any of the dreams you may have. In the words of Josh, you just might find you too have a "big gift in your life.".

May it be so for all of us.

I love you more than life itself, my dear sweet Joshua. Thanks for "giving in on" me. May you become the writer, or scientist or Daddy or Superman you have always imagined you could be, and may your Daddy and I be right there beside you as you achieve all the awesome things we know are in store for you.


qmiller said...

Ahhhhhh.... : )

Lori said...

I knew you would have the 'translation' after the actual posting, but the teacher in me couldn't help but read it directly and as always with your children and their sensitivity, I was wowed! Those pages are priceless and made me laugh (don't care about grades, but dig TaeKwondo minus the spars) and cry (had a bad baby life but found forgiveness) and be honored to have had the chance to peek in on them.


Maureen said...

How wonderful! Thank you for sharing!

smctiver said...

Way to go Joshua! Thanks so much for sharing the triumphs of your children.

Anonymous said...

Wow, that first paragraph is so profound. Thanks for sharing.

Lenore said...

So very, very precious that little one is!! All of your children are special, Cindy, including the ones who have not yet joined you!! Positive thoughts and many prayers are heading your way!!!

Karen said...

Joshie = Little Big Man!