Thursday, April 12, 2012

Layer Upon Layer

Tonight I write this from my bed in Memphis, where I am working at the homeschool show and enjoying meeting new folks.  My "roomie" is a wonderful Mom who is as happy as I am to discover we have many things in common, and tomorrow should prove to be enjoyable for both of us as we people watch and talk to others.  I really like working at these shows, as it helps me better understand homeschooling in general, and it is fun to explain a product to folks that I consider to be so solid.  Reminds me of the old days when I was a kid working in the Photo Department at Sav-On Drugs in California.  I loved that job, explaining cameras and appliances to customers, trying to help them determine which would be the best choice to fit their needs.  It's not "selling" to me, it is helping.

While I love being away just to have a little break and allow absence to make my heart grown fonder...if that is even possible :-)...I still miss my family when we are not all together.  It doesn't matter where we are or what we are doing, as long as we are together.  Some think I exaggerate, but sometimes we will joke with "what if", as in "what if we our house burned down and we had to live in a tent on our land?", and everyone will tell why that would be so great.  Or "What if we were on a train for an entire year and couldn't go home?".  We all come up with crazy things, laughing as we imagine possibilities of living situations that would not be ideal but could still be interesting.

The longer they are home, the clearer it is that this idea of family and sticking together has sunk in and wrapped itself around the hearts of Angela and Olesya.  Today I opened my suitcase to find a couple of Easter treats slipped in by Olesya (who can never EVER keep a secret and had told me "Don't look in your suitcase until you get to Memphis!) along with a note "Dear Mom, Have a safe trip, and a wonderful one too.  We love you." and she had everyone in the house sign it.  So I ate my Starburst with a grin on my face a mile wide.

It wasn't a Starburst that got to Angela the other day, but perhaps a "Heartburst".  You see, I was not the only one affected by music that afternoon.  Angela has been digging through my old CD's, trying them to find new music to listen to.  As we were driving to Grand Junction, she had me put one in that she decided she liked a lot, a greatest hit by the 80's group "Surface" which was slower love songs.  I'm singing along as we drive and I look in the rearview mirror, and Angela has this odd look on her face, almost as if she is trying not to cry and she avoids looking back at me.  Not sure what is going on, I let it pass, and eventually she speaks up.

"Mom, do you ever hear new things when you listen to a song a lot of times?"

"Yea, Angela, often I'll hear the harmonies first because that's what I love the most, then I'll hear different instruments, or I'll catch different parts of the words."

She said, "I have listened to this all week, and every time I hear something new.  It's hard to explain."

I let it sit there, not really understanding quite where she is going but sensing she has more to add.

After a few minutes she starts again, "Do songs remind you of things?"

"Oh sure!  There are songs that remind me of all kinds of different times in my life, songs that were popular when I was a kid, or that were playing on the radio a lot when I moved to Colorado.  Songs carry our memories for us." I replied.

A little quieter she says "What if a song reminds you of a time, but you never heard it then?"

I ask her "What do you mean?  Like a song will make you remember something in your life but you never heard it during the time it reminds you of?"

She nods her head vigorously as I watch her in the mirror, and tears threaten as she quickly drops her head.

Then I hear "The first time I heard this song I didn't think about it, then I started really listening to it.  Then I couldn't make it stop reminding me of when you came to see us the first time when I was littler and then left.  I started feeling different then."  then she added, barely choking back the tears "I really, really like this song, I think it is my favorite from now on."

She had no idea that it was this very song I had long ago used when putting together a slide show from Joshie's adoption.

She gets it.  She totally gets it.  Angela has to be one of the deepest kids I have ever met, aside from the other deep kids in our home :-)  We say "I love you" all the time in our family, we never hold back with expressing our care for one another, nor do we take it for granted, maybe because all of us have lived without it at one time or another, including Dominick and I.  But through her comments about this song, Angela acknowledged what we each felt for each other, and what she had to have felt unsafe to express for years.  And ever so slowly, the layers continue to be peeled back.  What, I wonder, will we find at the very core someday?

Thank you, my Sweet Sweet Girl.  Our love WILL live forever...and yes, it IS real love.  Maybe you are finally finding yourself able to believe that.

My heart is filled with so much love
And I need someone I can call my own
To fall in love--that's what ev'ryone's dreaming of
I hold this feeling oh so strong
Life is too short to live alone
Without someone to call my own
I will care for you, you will care for me
Our love will live forever
Shower me with your love
Shower me with the love that I long for
Shower me with your love
Shower me with the love I've been waiting for
I close my eyes and pray all my wishes come true
Ev'ry night I go to sleep
Until you're mine, I'll wait for you endlessly
Can't you see
Fairy tales, they do sometimes come true
If you believe, it could happen to you
Like the stars that shine way up in the sky
Our love will live forever
(Repeat chorus)
Like the stars that shine way up in the sky
Our love will live forever
Live forever
(Repeat chorus)
Shower me with your love
Shower me with the love I've been waiting for

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the shower of love you share with us.