I am one Pooped Mommy! We had the first day of our 2 day Cub Scout camp today, and it was SOOOOO HOT. I am the kind who doesn't just whither in the heat, I feel on the urge of collapse much of the time. Must be due to being "Pasty white girl" as we joke about in my house, which is much better than being called "mayonaisse" as Dominick used to joke. I actually have had a couple of hours to myself as I begged off going out with the boys to a 4H BBQ which I would have enjoyed very much but all I wanted to do was sink into the couch, put my feet up, have an icy cold Diet Coke and watch Law and Order reruns for a bit. I am dreading having to actually go back tomorrow, not because I don't have fun with the boys but because it is expected to be hot tomorrow too and I also have not packed them up for church camp which we leave for by 6:00 AM Sunday morning...and so what am I choosing to do with my time? Am I doing the laundry I need to do to pack or getting duffle bags ready? Noooooo...I am sitting here writing!
I did have a nice diversion with a phone call from our friend who we reconnected with this week, as we planned a little for our reunion in Denver and really just used it as an excuse to visit some more :-) As we enter a new phase of our adoption process, another friend of mine who is quite insightful revealed to me in an email recently that she had been praying for me to be blessed with someone who understands exactly what I am going through right now. It has been so wonderful to sit and chat, to share the wonder and joy of it all and to admit to the fears with someone who has been there, done that, and questions herself too. I think we are both very excited to see one another again in August, and are looking forward to hours of yacking that will probably drive Dominick nuts!
My mind has been back again and again lately to the book I recently read "They Women Who Raised Me'. I am recognizing that I am in a very unique and unpredictible stage of my life right now (I think that is actually a bit of an understatement!), and I am amazed at the people God has brought into my life at various times throughout it who have walked side by side with me at various times. They may not be "raising me", but they are certainly "sistering" me in a million ways. It is not always just a shoulder to lean on or an ear to bend, sometimes it is practical help like offering to pick up the small essentials at Walmart for my kids for camp, or taking them on a trip to the library, or being willing to hash the same subject over and over again to help me see through the haze that I have usually created myself. It is standing in a parking lot for an hour as one of my other long-time "sisters" tries to help me see things in myself that I don't always see as she doesn't want me to walk through life feeling the way she has. It is having mothers of girls reassure me and offer the gift of hand-me-down clothes along with hand-me-down encouragement. It is others opening up their hearts to me as I open mine up to them, and doing so gently yet fearlessly in the hope that it helps one another to feel less alone. It also comes from so many of the readers of this blog who take the time to write privately or share emails. It is someone who I can yell "Yeeee Hawwww" to via email OR in person and they don't think I am a freak but instead yell write back at me!
And there are moments when I simply don't know what I would do without every last one of them, these sisters of mine who are sometimes carrying me when they don't even know it. What bothers me is not feeling as if I am offering the same thing in return, as if it is all take and no give at times, especially right now.
It is sometimes hard for me to believe that there was a time in my life when I really could not connect or understand this friendship factor that so many women had but I was not a part of. I preferred men for their uncomplicated friendships and direct approach. I don't know whether it was that I really preferred male friendships or if it was that I was not ready to open up that part of myself that becomes necessary for the more intimate friendships that women enjoy. Now I wonder how I ever lived without my many sisters, all of whom have special gifts that they offer up to me at one time or another.
Sisters or not though, I don't have anyone here doing my laundry, so I had better get off this thing after all and get moving!!