There are moments that alter the course of the remainder of our lives. Very often these moments are comprised of events over which we have no control. Sometimes they arrive suddenly, forever changing our futures. Sometimes these moments are pregnant with anticipation and wonder. They can foretell a future that is bright and shiny, or they can fill our hearts with dread and a lingering sense of sorrow.
Our lives are filled with smaller moments as well, the ones we tuck away in the envelope that is our heart, sealed with love. You know the ones I am talking about, those "Kodak" moments which in today's world are no longer memories captured on imaginary film but instead are on digital media which can be easily manipulated to appear even better than the real thing.
A couple of Kodak moments for me the past couple of days:
1) Working together as a family until mid-evening in our restaurant in Gunnison, preparing it for opening day today. Three little boys all happily pitched in vacuuming, stocking, cleaning. Team LaJoy was on the move! Matthew calling Joshie "Speed Racer" as he encouraged him to push potato chip boxes around to various locations...Kenny diligently cleaning stairs. This threesome of mine is so generous of spirit, so giving of themselves, so cheerful in their work. Somehow, and I have no idea how it was created, there exists among us all this sense of unity, of working together to achieve a common goal.
2) Matthew was home sick today with a fever and cough, and this evening Josh came up to him and gave him his precious "blankie" and tucked it under his chin saying "Here Matthew, this will make you feel better". An envelope arrived for all 3 boys and Kenny said "Matthew gets to open because he is sick!". Matthew sitting with his two brothers curled around him as he quietly read to them.
3) Having Kenny take it upon himself to dedicate a light at church to a family friend there who has helped him with his English and been very supportive of us throughout the adoption process to bring him home. It was all his idea and he used some of his birthday money to express his appreciation for her kindness during this fundraiser. Once again, I caught a glimpse of the thoughtful man he will one day be.
4) Sitting together on the couch in front of our Christmas tree saying prayers for those we love, for those we know are experiencing fear and difficulty at the moment, each one of them coming up with things that had touched their heart to pray for.
Those are the smaller moments. They build upon one another to make a happy life, to create peace in your heart.
Then there are the bigger ones, the life altering moments spoken of earlier. Hearing the news that someone you love is very ill, that phone call in the middle of the night. How we dread those!! The lost job, the lost love...the world stops spinning for a moment, all is at a standstill as we try and digest it, to understand it, to question why.
There are the happier big moments as well, the moment you realize the person you are with is the person you want to never let go of for the rest of your life. The first cry of your newborn child, the first photo of your child-to-be that arrives via email. Or perhaps it is stepping into your own home for the first time, envisioning the many gatherings and joyful times that are to come that will be contained within those walls.
We have all had those moments when we have crossed paths with someone whom we inexplicably knew was put before us for a reason. We later learn the reasons why, the lessons they had to teach us.
Tonight our entire family is laying in wait for news, news that has the potential to change our lives forever. In recent previous posts on the blog I have alluded to the fact that something was going on in the background, something that has been carried in our hearts for a very long time. I am still not at liberty to share this, and might not be for a long time...but should the outcome be positive, in due time I will write at great length about it. We are at a culminating point as of tomorrow evening, and I am asking all of you who read this, who have come to care enough about our family to continue visiting this blog to pray for us tomorrow night, or if you are not praying folk to send your thoughts our way. It is important to me that this turn of events be what God wants, not what we think we want, so I guess I am asking mainly for prayer that we hear God speak clearly.
I am not trying to talk in riddles here, to purposely be obtuse about the whole thing. There is no attempt on my part here to create some "Big Literary Build Up". But I am convinced of the power of prayer, I have seen it work in my life in numerous ways particularly this past year. There is no way Kenny's adoption should have been as smooth and his transition as easy as it has been. It is only because so many of you carried us around in your hearts for so long. I know God will hear you. That doesn't mean we will have an outcome we prefer, but we will have the outcome that is best and that is what is important to us.
I also want to apologize for not writing more often. This is a very hectic time of year for us, one that in many ways we just try our best to muddle through. I am honored that so many of you hit the blog daily just to check in, and I will try to be faithful about continuing to write as often as possible. We are actually at an interesting time with Kenny as just the past few weeks his language skills have caught up enough for him to be able to express himself better, and he seems to have a strong desire to talk about his life in the orphanage and his feelings about it. While he is genuinely a very happy little boy, there are times when we are talking about his past when he seems struck with a bit of melancholy and yet also strongly voices that he is very happy he has a family. I am sure that over the next few months I will be able to share with you many more of his thoughts and experiences. Maybe this will help others adopting older children to better understand what their life is like pre-adoption.
And so tomorrow begins a new day. Our lives are filled with "moments" big and small. Perhaps tomorrow we will find ourselves at the precipice of another.