Saturday, October 21, 2006

How do you say thanks?

It looks like we will be meeting with Tami on Monday night when we are in Denver on business. Tami is the adoptive mom I mentioned in an earlier post who had such a close relationship with our son-to-be. I am excited, nervous, curious and anxious about this meeting...a real jumble of emotions. I think that our experience with Josh and his attachment struggles enhances my sense of gratitude about Tami. How can I possibly thank this woman for all she has done for "T"? She has quite literally carried this boy in prayer for years. She nurtured him in person, loved him, helped provide for one of his surgeries. There is no doubt that it was the strength of her resolve and her pleas to God that led us straight to "T". Thanks to her he has known love and given love, he is far more likely to be able to bond and trust.

Strangely, I also wonder if I will "measure up" in her eyes as the woman who should be his mother. Will I remember to ask everything that has run through my mind the past few days? Will it be awkward between all of us or will we feel at ease with one another? What will it feel like to see so many photos of my son...will I feel a sense of loss of all that we have already missed, or simply anticipation for what is to come? Will we walk away from this encounter feeling as if we really know him better, that we have a sense of who he is from her descriptions?

And how in the world can I ever express my thanks to her for loving him when no one else was around to do it? It is as if "T" will have had 3 moms, his birth mom, his spiritual mom Tami, and soon I will have that honor.

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