Blossoming

This past weekend found me unexpectedly reminiscing, as I traveled with all five kids to Colorado Springs to attend camp counselor training for this summer at La Foret, their beloved church camp which has been part of their lives their entire childhood.  Kenny had a great idea, and that was to have me take their senior pictures there, where we could take advantage of the beautiful location and the sites of the campground which have such deep meaning for them both.  While I was a little uncomfortable saying yes, because I am at best an amateur who enjoys the camera and only occasionally gets a good shot, I was persuaded to do so because they wanted them taken there...so out came the Big Canon DSLR, and after arriving in the afternoon we took off, leaving the others behind at the hotel.

Oh, we had SO much fun!  We went to their favorite places on the grounds, and played around with different angles and settings.  Each location brought back memories, as this place and the people they have met there have been instrumental in helping develop a faith that is real and tangible for them.  Then, we drove past a particular cabin, one that we always comment on as we drive past each year.  The kids said we needed to get out and take a photo there, and oh, how glad I am that we did!

Prickly Pear holds great meaning for Kenny and I.

Twelve years ago, Kenny had been home a mere four weeks from Kyrgyzstan, and he was incredibly developmentally delayed.  We decided, in all our infinite wisdom, that he should have his first church camp experience with mom along as chaperone!  It was crazy, it was bold, it was everything you SHOULDN'T do with an adopted kid home that short amount of time.  But we tend to think outside the box and do things differently, trusting our gut, and this felt right.  The camp staff gave Kenny and I a cabin all to ourselves, should we need it to have down time.  I blogged about that week here.

As I just re-read my post, I realize how much I left out about how difficult it was, but also how looking back it was a place where, thanks to our own cabin and the support of staff, Kenny and I truly bonded as mom and son as I disciplined him, encouraged him, and had some time alone with him in the evenings in the cabin.  He also challenged me, whoa boy was that kid self-possessed and "in charge"! 

Laughing as we remember our week together 12 years ago...

Looking back, we both remember that time fondly.  Who would have thought it would have been the first of 12  (so far!) summers spent at La Foret? Who would have imagined he would return as a counselor for several years? Who would have thought that little imp who desperately demanded attention would eventually mellow out, become far more passive, and turn into the wise scholarly type he is today?

And who could have possibly known how faith would have carried he and I, in particular, through so much.  Through surgery after surgery, through academic challenges well outside the norm, through painful self-realizations, and through ultimately a diagnosis of Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder which would explain so much, and yet with a deeper understanding affirm much of what we had hoped wouldn't be part of his future.  Faith helped with acceptance, faith continues to help with hope, faith will always help with the all-too-painful reality that is sometimes so "in your face".

This thoughtful, brilliant (Yes, he actually is!), tender-hearted, amazing young man graduates high school next month, and is all we ever dreamed he could be and more.  No, he may never hold a traditional job, he may never have a "career" in the typical sense, nor will he ever live fully alone unsupported.

That doesn't matter, honestly, not at all.  And I am not sure my younger self could have ever said that so confidently and believed it.

It is an entirely different experience, parenting a child like Kenny, seeing things that concern you, watching the gap in development grow larger, then finding answers you wish were not the truth.  But somewhere along the line, you begin to not just accept, but to more easily see beyond to the "more" that is there.  Once you have answers, the questions cease to matter anymore, and you can begin to hang on to a new reality which will look unlike the dream every parent has for their child.  But you are blessed to then see the whole person before you and grow in appreciation for things that are not about traditional accomplishments or achievements.  Honestly, it brings a wholeness to your relationship that can sometimes get hidden beneath worldly celebrations of what success is supposed to look like.

I have grown so much, right alongside this young man.  I have become a far, far more patient woman.  I have learned how to teach.  I have learned how to problem solve far better than I used to.  I have been forced into situations where I had to have more backbone and advocate like I never imagined I could.  I have cried buckets of tears, laughed until my tummy ached, and yearned to make it all OK even when I knew I was powerless.

In many ways, it all began at Prickly Pear, and our week together there with no real outside lifeline.  I became more firmly his mom, I asserted myself with this 45 lb fireball, and I know that we had that initial tug-of-war there where he tested his limits without others around to see if I really, really, REALLY could handle him and meant what I said.  It was here where our relationship was established in appropriate fashion, and the balance of power was established in a healthy way.

I later learned that there were bets we wouldn't manage to make it the full week without pulling up stakes and leaving ;-)  Kenny and I still laugh over that one, obviously the LaJoy tenacity was under-estimated...in both Kenny AND I!

As we walked along the labyrinth, through the chapel, and quietly talked, we three felt the connection that comes from a Spirit place, one that required great commitment, openness, and vulnerability.  Angie has walked her own incredibly powerful journey which has its own unique touchstones.  They just were not present that afternoon in that place, but the three of us have an understanding of how God brought us together, how the Spirit moved in and around us, and how Jesus modeled for us how to be in relationship with one another. 

What will our next Prickly Pear experience be?  Will it be Buckaroos that becomes a second home and where new growth and relationship are brought into being?  Or is it an entirely unknown place that will become part of our family DNA?

Whatever comes our way, there can be no doubt that Kenny LaJoy will continue to blossom, just like he did at Prickly Pear all those years ago.