Sunshines and Rainbows

When I was a young teenager, and life was unsettled in so many ways in my home, I tried to hang on to the light...sunshines and rainbows were my personal theme.  I had them everywhere, with bright yellow walls and brilliant orange trim, I wanted my space to renew my soul, and to reflect the joy I knew was within my grasp if I could only hang on.  Even then, though I grew up in a family where spiritual matters were never attended to, I had a sense of the divine in and around me, and knew I needed to learn how to tap that presence.

Time marched on, I married young, moved out, and eventually lived in a home of my very own that bore a soft yellow exterior with white trim, a very intentional choice that was a sign of peace, joy and just said "home" to me.  Though, as an adult, rainbows no longer adorn my walls, two rooms inside my home wear the yellow that was life giving to me...our kitchen was recently painted yellow and has hues of red and orange.  Our bedroom has yellow and blue walls with paintings of sunflowers produced by the kids sharing our space, and a love gift from a dear friend of a quilt of marvelous detail and a symbolic twisting and turning in denim blues and reds framed in yellows hangs where I can see it each and every morning as I rise to start each new day.

Others might find our home juvenile with its color scheme, definitely not the subdued tones one might expect from a fifty-something year old.  But to my family and I, it speaks to who we are.  As we repainted a handful of years ago and considered other options, none of us could imagine pulling onto our country dirt road and seeing anything other than our sunny, cheerful yellow home smiling back at us, awaiting our arrival.  Josh, in particular, feels it so deeply that he, too, wants to live in a yellow house of his own some day.

Yellows and oranges are the light in an otherwise dreary color palette, they whisper words of encouragement to me, they remind me that dreams do come true, that joy is a choice, and that hope isn't wasted.  Images of sunshines, silly though that may seem, have always brought a smile to my face, and I used one as my Facebook icon for many years.  If I ever get a tattoo, you can bet it will be a sunshine that is inked permanently under my skin, for it is the one thing I can imagine never growing weary of seeing.

We all have that thing that symbolizes our life's path...for some it is a spirit animal, for others it is a melody, and for yet others it might be a beloved poem, memorized and recalled countless times during moments of despair or elation.  They take on greater meaning the more of life we have under our belt, for we turn to them as a reminder of our truest self, and the more we go through, the more often we count on them to center and ground us.  We need our personal symbols, and we need a special few who understand them as well...

This past week the girls and I met up with my best friend, Candi, and her daughter Christi, for our Fourth Annual Spring Break Road Trip.  We laughed a lot, marveled at the craftsmanship and skill required to sculpt a mountain, and we had a few days to simply be in the moment.

While we were on our trip, the boys were on their own First Spring Break Adventure in New Mexico!

While the boys were eating their way through bad restaurants, learning about aliens and missiles, and no doubt burping their way across the desert in a male bonding experience like no other, we girls were geocaching, doing puzzles and swimming in the evening.

One of those evenings was extraordinarily special for me, for I was honored in multiple ways in a surprising way.  Replicating the "womanship/manship ceremony" (as it has been dubbed by the girls) that we have done for each of the kids as they hit 18, I was also honored similarly.  By candlelight, each of the women present shared with me what I mean to them, and how they see me bringing light into the world.

Sitting there in that hotel room made sacred by the love being shared, by the heartfelt tears being shed, and the honesty being expressed, I was speechless.  We almost never know the true impact we have on the lives around us, and I struggle in particular with seeing my own worth.  Being a stay-at-home homeschooling mom isn't glamorous, it isn't noteworthy in any way.  I have no "career", I have no official higher education, I have no claim to fame.  Listening as each woman present, young and older, shared how my presence in their lives has mattered so much, I realized on a deeper level that every single one of us makes a difference, and can bring the sunshine wherever we are.  Yes, it is that whole "Bloom where you are planted" quote, but it is also true.  I almost always see that quality in others, but rarely in myself...that I have bloomed where planted, that I have shined a light where and when I could.

I was also presented with a gift that was representative to me of all that matters in the world...a gift the reflected an understanding of my life symbols, of how very much being in deep relationship with others is the single most important goal of my existence.  Candi had secretly been working on a large cross stitch project for me.  An award winning cross stitch artist, she mixed and matched patterns to come up with the perfect pattern.  Then, for a year and a half, she worked diligently in her rare spare time to create this just for me.  When it was completed, she had it specially matted in yellow and green, framed to set off the work, then had it packaged so she could lug it all the way out to us.

Stitch by tiny stitch, she thought of me.   She incorporated an adult version of rainbows, added a sunshine, and spoke to friendship and relationship.  It was me in every possible way, and I shall treasure it always.

We all have symbols, but one thing we may not realize is that we might be a life giving symbol to someone else!  We might be the sunshine, the warm cup of tea, the place to simply be.  We might be any color of the rainbow in another's life...a deep purple of intensity, a radiant crystal blue of calm.  Be who you are, never forget your own worth, and always, always take a moment to share with someone else how they have touched your life in positive ways.  It is powerful, it helps someone recognize that they, too, "...are more beautiful than a rainbow of flowers in the sunshine."

Soul Wealth

Recently for the kids' personal finance course we read a book by Linda Tirado, "Hand to Mouth".  Tirado became a viral sensation in 2013 when an article she wrote appeared on Huffington Post,  "This is Why Poor People's Bad Decisions Make Perfect Sense" and we read her subsequent book to try and learn more about good and bad decision making.  Sadly, Tirado did little to dispel what she

feels are "myths" as she shared her own personal story of poor decision making, but many might call it "excuse making" for feeling justified in just about everything she did, from flipping off her bosses to failing to show up for work because she just couldn't face it to demeaning just about everyone she encountered.  

Oh, the conversations that arose around the table as we read!  This was really more of a "What Not To Do" manual, but woven throughout were some hard truths as well that did help explain the cycle of poverty in a very concrete way. After reading the book, the kids each had to write an essay on what their takeaway was.  Last night I was reading Angie's essay, and was struck by what she shared, which reflected a wisdom well beyond her age.  Here is what Angela wrote:

"The whole world is poor.  Linda Tirado fails to realize that every single person is poor in something. Some are poor in spirit, some are poor in good parents, some are poor in knowing themselves, others poor in opportunities, relationships, or even in cognitive reasoning.  Each one of us holds a sign that says, "Please Help, I am Hungry."  That sign might be saying I am hungry to be known, I am hungry for education, or I am hungry for opportunities.  As we avoid looking at the cardboard signs that the homeless or the poor hold, Tirado is glancing away from the signs of poverty we experience.  We don't criticize poverty of spirit, mind or experience, but we certainly do when it comes to financial indigence.  What's the difference?  With financial poverty it is hard to hide your way of life.  With other sorts of poverty we can put on masks that will fool the world or to some extent even ourselves.  It's impossible to conceal penury.  There are no therapists or medications for being poor."

Angie was right, we are all poor in some way or another, and as she pointed out, some ways are just more socially acceptable or more easily hidden from the world.  Good writing always ought to make us think, and though Tirado's writing was actually somewhat of an expletive filled personal memoir than an explanation of poverty itself, Angela's writing really made me stop and consider something. I began to ask myself, "What am I hungry for?  What might those around me be hungry for?" and then I was inevitably led to the challenging question, "What am I doing about it?"

The imagery Angie brought to mind was powerful, and I imagined sitting in a room full of people, perhaps many I know, and many I don't know.  Each was holding a cardboard sign, words boldly scrawled in black Sharpie marker revealing the deepest yearnings of each individual.  What have I missed in the lives of those around me, largely because I was focused on that which the world holds in high esteem but which matters little in the long run?  Have I missed moments when comfort could have been offered, when a listening ear would have made all the difference, when a helping hand could have lightened the load?

I am convinced of the goodness of mankind.  I simply can not walk through the world imagining that everyone wishes to cause harm to others, or is solely 

self-interested.  We are all capable of being so wrapped up in our own lives that we fail to see the needs of others, but few of us truly desire to live like that.  We

get absorbed in the minutiae of our day to day grind, struggling as we can to keep our heads above water, and that leaves little energy to look from side to side to see if there is someone who might need a life vest thrown to them.   

Matthew returned from his trip to Washington, DC, where he met with Senators and Representatives and lobbied for funding for Civil Air Patrol, spoke with staff members, witnessed Supreme Court arguments, visited with CIA staff, and much more.  The experience left a profound imprint on him, and on the long drive home from Denver he shared some of what he learned.

"I realized one really important thing, Mom.  Most of these powerful men and women in Washington really do want to make a positive difference in the lives of Americans.  I can't believe that every single politician who is elected and goes to DC wants to ruin our country.  They don't set out to make bad decisions, who would do that?  Liberals and conservatives all want what is best for our country, they just have different ideas about how to achieve it.  We are just at a point where we would rather assign evil intent to those who have differing opinions, than to simply say they have a different plan."

Now, Matt is not naive, and he understands corruption exists in all walks of life.  He knows politicians do what they need to do to be re-elected, but underneath it all, I believe he is right.  We have come to a time and place when we would prefer to believe the worst in people, rather than the best...and we are poorer in spirit because of it.  When we feel the need to bash others and call them evil simply because we disagree with their approach to a problem, who has the real problem??

Us.

We are poor in so many ways, our cardboard signs legible and written in bold.

But we don't have to be, we have a choice in that.  When we fail to reach out toward others, we impoverish ourselves.  We become wealthier every time we extend our hand, when we lift others up, or when we offer comfort and encouragement.  We have so many choices about who we are, what we see, and how we walk through the world. 

Embracing what is good, forcing our eyes to do more than flit across the surface of sorrows we see and instead rest there a moment so we truly see another in their pain can alter outcomes.  Being present with one another, throwing away labels, and reading those cardboard signs with intent to actually do something...anything...to alleviate another's poverty is how we make little changes that lead us to a soul wealth that can't easily be replicated in impact by financial wealth.  

I am committing myself to reading the tattered, stained signs written in desperation, to not letting myself off the hook because the world tells me that what is written on those signs is of little import in my own life.  It does matter, because I, too, carry one of those very same signs, emblazoned with my own soul's poverty, and I need to hang on to the hope that someone will commit themselves to reading mine, too.

We all need one another, we just haven't yet quite figured that out.

Wishin', and Hopin'? Heck No...Doin'!!!

Whew! It has been a month since I last posted, and I have wanted to sit down and really write with some sense of direction, but it just isn't happening time-wise.  Maybe soon, as a lot has been going on.  However, our Blue Collar Homeschool group on Facebook sort of exploded, and has taken an enormous amount of time and energy, along with every day life.  It is wonderful, and a wee bit overwhelming as it develops and grows. 

So, I figured I'd get a few photos posted, share a few random thoughts, and try later this week to find an hour or so to write with real depth.  Until then, it has been a super busy month, so here are some pics from our lives!

We've been Shrinerin'...

And churchin'...

And Lentenin'

And prayin'

And pretty dressin'...

And dancin'...

And art buyin'...

and paintin'...

and "happy accidentin' "

And gigglin'...

And researchin'...

and Blue Collar Homeschoolin'...

and lobbyin' (with Senator Cory Gardner)...

And servin'...

And more lobbyin'...(with Representative Mike Coffman)

And honorin' (at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier)...

And Supreme Courtin'...

And Certifyin'...

and Accountin'...

And saxin'...

And lookin' stylin'...

And model buildin'...

and pot luckin'...

And strugglin'.

I'm always honest here, there is no need to lie...it has been a hard month in some ways.  We have had brains malfunctioning a considerable amount of time, reality hits hard once in awhile as acceptance and denial do a neat little tango in our home.  All of us try hard, all of us fail regularly, and yet in the midst of it all we DO still have joy, we DO still smile often, we DO still have successes to point toward.  Each and every one of us has learned new things this past month, and looking back at the photos it is no wonder I am personally exhausted!  So much activity, so much grace offered on a daily basis, so much care when so much goes wrong.

It is real life, seldom perfect, often doubt filled, but always, always worth it.