Are We Doing It Right?

I think every parent steps back once in awhile and asks themselves, "Am I doing this right?  Am I providing them with enough opportunities?  Are they excelling academically?  Are they winning on the field?  Are they decent people?  Are they kind?"

I wonder, though, how many parents seriously and deeply consider these questions:

"Are they faithful?  Do my children exhibit the qualities and characteristics taught in my religion of choice?  Is their spirituality maturing?"

If I am being honest,  this is the area that matters most to me as a mom.  I want our kids to have a well developed, thoughtful theology that works for them and continues to evolve over time as they consider new ideas, new information, and delve more deeply into sacred texts of all kinds.  I desperately want them to have something to hang on to when the seas of life grow stormy, and to have a place to rest when they grow weary.

During our readings this morning for school, we were working our way through the works of Hafiz, the Persian Poet.  These simple, multi-layered little poems have a way of illustrating the essence of God in a profound way, and I was delighted as we stumbled upon "That Shapes the Eye" and we stopped to discuss it:

Children

Can easily open the

Drawer

That lets the spirit rise up and wear

its favorite costume of

Mirth and laughter.

When the mind is consumed with

Remembrance of Him

Something divine happens to the 

Heart

That shapes the hand and tognue

And eye into 

The word

Love.

This so perfectly expressed what I wish for our teens...that their souls live in laughter and joy as much as possible, and that they recognize that steeping themselves in the Sacred as much as possible will shape them into people who ooze goodness and love into the world.

Realizing this probably sounds abstract and odd to most, I still can't help that this is precisely my goal as a parent.  Maybe I was unable to even articulate it well until this very moment.

Sure, I wish for them success in their ventures, whatever they might be, but as we educate them, there is so, so much more I wish to embed in them before they step boldly out into the world.

We often laugh around out table as we recall moments when our unwillingness to jump into the Game of Competition that everyone wants to make life into confuses even our selves at times.  Life is not about winners and losers, it is not about A's and F's, it is not about success or failure.  Oh, surely it CAN be about that should we elect to make it so, but we DO have choices, and we choose otherwise. 

Witnessing from a bit of a distance as our lovelies proceed to take steps toward full fledged adulthood here and there, I find myself smiling more than I thought I might, and breathing in the sweet scent of relief in some ways.

I see Kenny engaged in the world of political change as he takes time on his own to write his congressman to encourage them to back health care changes.  He knows that being an involved citizen is one of the only things that ever brings about change.

I listen as Angela describes her time with one of the lonely seniors she has continued to visit in her "off season" at the nursing home...one she couldn't stop seeing even though she had said she couldn't volunteer until after volleyball season was over, but she couldn't leave her all alone.

I help Matt select a remedial math curriculum to work with as he tutors one of his friends who graduated from high school but can't quite get a high enough score on military tests to live out his dream of being a Marine. Hours are spent reviewing, teaching, encouraging and I see the kindness of his heart as he really cares about this young man and wants him to succeed.  

I see the heart of Olesya as she readily awakens in the wee morning hours to go help her dad at the store, regardless of whether or not it is a "real" work day when she would get paid.  Her giving heart is always such an example.

I hear about Josh's incredible act of kindness as she describes how at our recent bake sale, and older gentleman approached them, obviously inebriated and expressing deep loneliness.  This man then began to talk about how Vietnam ruined his life, and then confusedly moved into preaching the gospel to them.  What does Josh do?  Is he scared? Does he blow him off? How does he respond?  He takes hold of this man's hands, and holds them, looks into his eyes, and offers presence and a listening ear.  He offers him free cookies tenderness, and unlike many 14 year olds, he doesn't roll his eyes or make fun of him as he walks away, instead, he tenderly speaks of how, "He was just lonely and sad."

These are the ways I am seeing success.  Sure, we have the occasional award and recognition, we have a well written paper or great scores on tests.  But in the grand scheme of things, these matter so very little.  And no, I don't say that solely because I dismiss academics or success because of the challenges many of our kids have...not at all.  

It is because A's don't make a meaningful life.  It is because throwing a ball well on a field doesn't make a meaningful life.  It is because being the brightest or the best doesn't make a meaningful life.

It is WHO they are that creates a life of meaning.  It is HOW they walk through the world that creates a life of meaning.  It is WHEN they put their faith and spiritual teachings into practice that creates a life of meaning.

And you know what?

I think they actually are living into that.  Nothing matters more to me, nothing.