Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Life is Good!

In all the uproar involved with my last few posts, I didn't get to share with all of you that we spoke with our agency last week and were told that the next phone call we get should be a travel date!!! Of course, that will be several months down the road after frigid, crisp days have left us and "Mud Season" has arrived, but it was still great news.

Why then do I walk around still feeling as if I am holding my breath?

This has been a 4 year long dream, a story not fully shared with many of you but will be eventually. It can not easily be explained what it is like to lay your head down on your pillow at night and the last thought you have is of someone not home, or how in the shower almost every morning faces pop up in your mind and you wish for them a happy and "hope filled" day. It is far different than having a general yearning to become a mom, or to hold a baby, I've been there too and know the difference. Praying for fully formed children who are walking through their day at the same relative ages as your own, knowing what they don't have in their lives or what they so desperately need is just a totally different experience.

Simply put, we have known for a long, long time who is missing on our family camping trips, who will not be around the table with family and friends to celebrate Thanksgiving, who will receive their Christmas box lovingly put together by us and yet delivered anonymously rather than while sitting warmly in PJ's in front of the tree surrounded by the mayhem that no doubt will ensue.

Mothering by proxy is heartbreaking.

But life goes on, and it we have much to enjoy. We had a terrific time this past weekend at a local film festival where there were several "shorts" shown as well a longer film. We went with close friends and all the adults were uncertain how well entertained the boys would be, but we figured it was worth a try and we would simply leave if they found it a bit too mature for their tastes. Admittedly, there were few children present as it really was more of an adult oriented evening. Once again, it was proven to me that we often make incorrect assumptions about what will appeal to kids. The boys LOVED it and begged to stay for the longer film, which was very interesting about a couple who biked their way from Mongolia to India. With the exception of Joshie Poo, who early on curled up in his seat and fell asleep, the boys were attentive throughout the evening which featured really diverse films highlighting everything from extreme snowboarding to making snow cones in the Andes to a humorous one about a young guy always being late for work. For a donation-only event, it was a fantastic way to spend the evening and all agreed it will now become a new tradition to attend it.

Other than that we have a laid back weekend around the house, we mucked out the boys room which took about 3 hours. Yes, I know...didn't we just move them IN to it? How can it be that bad? Thank McDonald's and all its Happy Meal toys which Kenny can't seem to let go of. It is amazing the things that can be uncovered in a room shared by three boys these ages, but thankfully there were no frogs to be found. Matthew then started working on a 1000 piece puzzle of St. Basil's in Red Square, so I guess we'll have that as part of the living room decor until Christmas.

Looking back at my list of things I hope to accomplish this month I think I have made a good start. I actually DID have a lunch date with Dominick, which turned into a really pleasant afternoon as just as we were done we ran into friends and sat visiting them them for another hour. I have read one book (I don't think I will get to 10 though). I am definitely listening to more music as I received the most wonderful gift the other day via snail mail from a blog reader (Thanks so much Kim!!) of some Taize music she kindly took the time to put together for us. WOW, is that the best thing I have heard in a long time! I almost can't wait for full blown winter to listen to it on my long winter drive as I have that playing in the background. How fitting it will be with the wondrous landscapes I will have laid out before me as I listen to such beautiful music praising our God. It will be like driving around with a musical score for a grand movie playing through my own windshield. I think I have already unexpectedly met my quota of "more blog posts" with this past week...hahhaha! I am thoroughly enjoying more time spent with my dearest heart friends with coffee/hot chocolate shared yesterday along with hours of conversation and lunch today. I have some of the neatest friends, what a blessing in my life to have such caring, strong, stable, solid women and men who are great company and provide such a blanket of warmth for me. I treasure them so much! I've also done a lot of kid-snuggling and two nights of bedroom campouts, so I guess I am doing pretty well on making progress on my "Me" list this month, selfish though that may be.

Left on my list that remains undone are geocaching, walks in the fall air, working on scrapbooking and a few others, but 3 weeks remain and I will try to do them all! If not, at least I have taken some down time to care for myself a little, and that is what is important.

A part of me is sort of anxiously looking forward to ski season, as I have the most wonderful crew of people to work for who have generously agreed to all return! I love the people who work with us, they are responsible, kind and fun to be with. I am amazed every year that some return over and over again despite the fact they could almost certainly get a better paying job elsewhere. But now it is like a family returning for an extended reunion, and I can imagine us all together soon...complaining once again about how can it be 38 below outside while it is 85 in the kitchen, or singing old 70's disco and boogieing at the counter as we serve people. I am fortunate in that they all seem to enjoy having the boys around, and I know that on the occasions when I bring the boys in one at a time they love being there, helping out, earning their $5 for the day that we pay them. Although it is a busy time of year for our family and most people look at us like we are nuts because our schedule is so crazy, it also provides some unique and special moments for "alone time" with each of the kids, and that is always a special treat for each of us.

So as we are on the down side of my favorite season of the year, it is filled with anticipation of all that is new and exciting that will come to pass in due time. We are spending more relaxing time together than we have in years, we are enjoying the simple things in life like getting whupped at a game of "Sorry" by Joshie, who ALWAYS seems to win and takes great delight in it, or by laying around watching a tad but more TV than usual as the longer winter nights have already snuck up on us.

Life is good!!


Lori said...

As my grandma used to tell me..."Sounds like your cup runneth over."

I am SOOO glad for you!!

Christina said...

Cannot wait to hear the full story of the girls.... :)

Anonymous said...

Dear Cindy,
You are definitely not alone in this form of mothering by proxy. We were identified a 5 yo girl in spring 2006, were matched to her and accepted her referral in 9/06, again in 12/06, and then Azerbaijan froze its program. We knew missionaries who visited her orphanage until 9/07, giving us weekly updates and some pics, then nothing till 2/08. Now the country is just starting to accredit agencies (no app forms available yet, though). So, you will probably get your girls before we get ours. Busy with 4 boys, but...heartbroken. She turns 8 in February 2009. Fingerprinted 3 times, including this week! Seems so futile at times, plus job loss and new business leaves us unsure of our finances. I just pray for her daily and believe we will find a way to get her home and that her FAS & other issues won't be too hard once we get her (learned of that along the way!). Regardless, we refuse to give up on "our" daughter, but it is hard. Can't believe the country prefers institutional living over int'l adoption! Sherry in Ohio

Dee said...

I am SO delighted to know you will get to see the girls soon!! When they come home, I really want to arrange a call so Angela can speak with Michael, even if his sister has to translate. He cannot really speak Russian now, although he still understands a lot.

I cannot wait to see photos of those precious angels!


The Gobble's (Lanetta) said...

thanks so much for your sweet comment on my blog... so happy to have found your blog... wow... I read back through a lot of the posts... and wow! What great writing... and what an awesome voice for adoption you have!!! I will be following your journey and I'm so glad you found me... ha ha..
blessings and adding your family and girls to my list...
I know what you mean about being a mom of 4.... sometimes I think.. WOW... God, I know you accidently meant to speak to the lady 4 rows down about adopting.. I know you didn't mean, ME??!!! ha ha...
I certainly feel that way at times... but, rely of him... those he calls he equips!!! Thank Goodness!
Blessings always.... can't wait to hear more about you LaJoy's!!!