I had a friend at church tell me yesterday "I know you must have been busy this week as you didn't blog at all!". Hahaha! Well, it has been a busy week as we are trying desperately to finish our painting projects, get the house back in order, and do all the end of the school year tasks that seem to be compounded in the last two weeks. My house is a complete and utter wreck, but is slowly "getting there" and I will be so happy when all the mess is cleaned up and put away. The boys' room is turning out nice, although definitely not "Martha-ish". I will post pictures when it is all completed. I need some wall art or something but haven't seen anything that "pops" for me.
I had a wonderful Mother's Day. I don't really put much stock in those Hallmark-type holidays, as I feel that we ought to show one another daily how much we value our relationships. But it IS kind of nice to be a little spoiled once in awhile. Kenny had talked about it for a week, and was very excited about the whole concept. He insisted that they had to make me breakfast and do EVERYTHING for me all day. Well, that didn't quite happen but it was close :-) My Mother's Day actually started the day before when Matthew and Kenny hid something in our bathroom and told me I couldn't use it until the next day :-) I also received a double bouquet of carnations from Dominick the night before. Yesterday morning when I woke up, I had a little treasure hunt in my bathroom...I had 2 pairs of earrings from the school store displayed on the counter for me ( $ .50 a pair...good bargain hunting!), a beautiful pin made of colored glass that Matthew made in class that was sitting on a shelf with a handmade card, and an orange handmade key chain from Kenny hidden under a towel! I also had my favorite breakfast of french toast waiting for me.
After such a sweet start to my day, it was off to church where I was in a very unfamiliar role delivering a sermon I had written and leading services for the day. To say I was filled with fear is a bit of an understatement. While I think many might have expected a sermon on motherhood, considering the special holiday and the deeper meaning for me as a mom...Mother's Day is our adoption anniversary for Matthew as well as our anniversary of attending our church for the first time...it was not at all what I felt led to talk about so my sermon had nothing at all to do with the theme of the day.
It felt very odd, standing at the pulpit yesterday. It is so far afield from anything I have ever envisioned myself doing. We tend to pigeonhole ourselves into certain roles...I am the scraggly looking T-Shirt and Walmart jean wearing mom. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't see myself as having much to say of value to anyone, nothing that would touch a soul or give one pause for thought. I am just me, doing my thing every day, cleaning my house, nagging at kids to brush teeth and get their homework done. I have had no Big Life Experience from which to draw, no Great Education to rely on. I'm just...well...me. Matthew asked me before church if I was scared, and of course I answered "Yes! I really am!". He then asked why I was doing it if I was scared and I explained to him that doing things that are scary (terrifying might more aptly describe it!) or difficult is good for us, that it makes us stretch and grow and discover things about ourselves we might not otherwise know. Playing it "safe" is easier, for sure, but in little tiny ways we can add adventure and excitement to our lives by accepting these small challenges.
But this was different in some way, and I can not really express it. I wanted SO badly for God to work through me, to tell people something they needed to hear just when they needed to hear it. I didn't want it to be about "me" and what I thought would be interesting, witty or timely. I have done some speaking about adoption and obviously this entire blog is about my family and how it was formed, but that is so much a part of my heart that it is simple...it flows easily and because it is really for my hubby and kids it doesn't matter...I can't really say anything wrong. I know there are some of my readers who certainly disagree with me on some points and consider me "wrong" at times, but since I don't worry about what anyone else thinks about the blog and my family loves me it just doesn't matter what others think. But a sermon really IS for public consumption, the whole idea is to present a message that has meaning to others, to teach and to reveal. I just don't know how to do that.
But maybe God used me somehow yesterday, I don't really know but hopefully He did.
After church we went to the Hot Springs in Ouray, which has to be one of the most beautiful places ever. Ouray is a tiny little town set down low in a narrow canyon and the hot springs pool is surrounded by "Majestic Mountains" that are still snow capped and pine covered. We spent the afternoon there with several friends including the family that we are so close to that is moving. As I shared with their dad who has already left for his new job, watching all of our kids together was such a joy. There is an innocence that they all share, teens and young ones alike. Our families are so similar in that they know how to have fun without a lot of "stuff", they are all truly having a childhood filled with wonder and fascination, of playing tag in the dark, making "forts" out of blankets, and just hanging out. We left in the early evening light, completely "played out", exhausted and feeling happier than I recall feeling in weeks. Just filled with peace.
I also had an encounter in the pool with an acquaintance who I learned lost her mom that morning, and that really hit a nerve. Here she was with her own family of young children trying to do "the mom thing" as her heart must have been ripped open and raw. Mother's Day for her will always be a reminder of the day her mother passed away, it will forever have a different meaning than it does for the rest of us. I could only hope that she drew some comfort from seeing her own children play and knowing she was doing what her mom would have no doubt wanted her to do. From one generation to the next, passed down, our own mothering surely reflects the mothering we have received...or I guess in some cases what some had hoped to receive. I am one of the fortunate ones who has a dedicated mom and I hope my children are benefiting from that.
And as I reflected on all of this, my mind couldn't help but wander down a particular path, wishing that two special little girls had a mom to be with on Mother's Day. I wish their experience with "mothers" thus far was one that was more positive, that they had been held tenderly in someones lap, that a mommy had whispered in their ear "I love you forever" as I have done so many times with each of the boys. And I fervently hoped that by this time next year they have the mom they have deserved since the day they were born, be it myself or someone else who will treasure them, protect them, and nurture them.
So we are on to yet another busy week as the school year draws to a close and our trip to California fast approaches. Hopefully we will feel caught up before we leave and can relax as a family together without the ringing of cell phones or the busyness of everyday life. We are also quickly approaching our 1st anniversary as Kenny's family, as I recall this time last year being filled with preparations for our trip to Kyrgyzstan. There is so much to reflect on about this past year, so much that can not really accurately be explained. But that is for another day...Hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day, for just about every single woman has mothered someone, regardless if they have ever given birth or not.