We all go through those times, when everything seems hard, when nothing goes as planned, when every single step is an effort. Right now in my life, nothing is smooth, everything is rough hewn, friction is all around, and I have yet to determine if my role is to be the sandpaper!
Things are steadily going downhill even further with Kenny and Josh, as we experienced a full blown tantrum out of Joshie the other day the likes of which we haven't seen since the worst of his toddler days when Reactive Attachment Disorder was in full bloom. Kenny is really off kilter completely, and unable to accomplish the simplest tasks such as rinsing the walls behind Olesya's TSP cleansing. The directions just didn't sink in even after being instructed 3 times very clearly.
To top it all off, I fell this morning on a patch of ice, injuring my left knee quite badly. I am hoping it isn't severely injured, but tonight it is swollen and I have a case of road rash that is quite painful. This may keep me out of commission for at least a couple of days, and I am hoping that is all. Between the latest injury, the emotional turmoil around here, allergies and asthma which are the worst I have probably ever experienced, I am a big ol' wreck right now.
The good thing about being me right now? I know that it is at these times when God meets me most faithfully. When at my lowest, that is when I encounter God in new and exciting ways, ways which alter my perception permanently. Sometimes I forget that it is when we are at our very weakest that we are most open to feeling the Spirit, and so in all of this swirling around me at the moment which is so hard, I will be grateful, for I know God has something extraordinary to teach me right now, if only I'll really listen.
Today was a good day...Josh was on an even keel and is peacefully asleep on our bedroom floor, Kenny was more in tune today, the girls are settled and Matthew is his usual calm self. Dominick had some extra work today which will help, and tomorrow we are sleeping in and that alone is likely to do wonders for all of us.
We ARE making a lot of progress over at the rehab house. The kids have learned how to paint and have done a fine job of it! Check it out:
Whenever I need to count my blessings, I don't need to look far. We live in the most beautiful place on earth, a place that most of the kids have even said they wouldn't ever consider leaving if they had a choice. Our sunrise this morning was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful:
And then there are the other blessings, wonderfully created by God and offered as a temporary gift to Dominick and I:
OK, so maybe not as stunning as the sunrise photos, but when I stop and think about how far they have each come, how courageous they each are, how loving and connected we all are, there can be nothing more beatiful than the healing that can come with God's hand in it. Paint splattered, smiling, dirty on the outside but tender on the inside...not hardened. Works of art, is what they each are, still in process, a long way from completion.
It's a life I'll gladly embrace, no matter how hard it gets. Reminding ourselves daily of what is truly important, we will remember that we have one another to help us make it through this very difficult thing called "life". Together, we'll all make it, and we will never be alone.
Isn't that what it's really all about? Not perfection, but relationship and acceptance.
Tomorrow a mini-day of rest. We've all earned it!
Things are steadily going downhill even further with Kenny and Josh, as we experienced a full blown tantrum out of Joshie the other day the likes of which we haven't seen since the worst of his toddler days when Reactive Attachment Disorder was in full bloom. Kenny is really off kilter completely, and unable to accomplish the simplest tasks such as rinsing the walls behind Olesya's TSP cleansing. The directions just didn't sink in even after being instructed 3 times very clearly.
To top it all off, I fell this morning on a patch of ice, injuring my left knee quite badly. I am hoping it isn't severely injured, but tonight it is swollen and I have a case of road rash that is quite painful. This may keep me out of commission for at least a couple of days, and I am hoping that is all. Between the latest injury, the emotional turmoil around here, allergies and asthma which are the worst I have probably ever experienced, I am a big ol' wreck right now.
The good thing about being me right now? I know that it is at these times when God meets me most faithfully. When at my lowest, that is when I encounter God in new and exciting ways, ways which alter my perception permanently. Sometimes I forget that it is when we are at our very weakest that we are most open to feeling the Spirit, and so in all of this swirling around me at the moment which is so hard, I will be grateful, for I know God has something extraordinary to teach me right now, if only I'll really listen.
Today was a good day...Josh was on an even keel and is peacefully asleep on our bedroom floor, Kenny was more in tune today, the girls are settled and Matthew is his usual calm self. Dominick had some extra work today which will help, and tomorrow we are sleeping in and that alone is likely to do wonders for all of us.
We ARE making a lot of progress over at the rehab house. The kids have learned how to paint and have done a fine job of it! Check it out:
Whenever I need to count my blessings, I don't need to look far. We live in the most beautiful place on earth, a place that most of the kids have even said they wouldn't ever consider leaving if they had a choice. Our sunrise this morning was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful:
And then there are the other blessings, wonderfully created by God and offered as a temporary gift to Dominick and I:
It's a life I'll gladly embrace, no matter how hard it gets. Reminding ourselves daily of what is truly important, we will remember that we have one another to help us make it through this very difficult thing called "life". Together, we'll all make it, and we will never be alone.
Isn't that what it's really all about? Not perfection, but relationship and acceptance.
Tomorrow a mini-day of rest. We've all earned it!
5 comments:
Oh, Cindy! You are in my prayers! God grant you deep learning and also deep healing, not only for yourself but also for your children. May tomorrow give you much needed respite time. You'll all be in my prayers.
Love, blessings, and shalom!
Kaye
The image comes of a crocus breaking through snow and ice crystals. One, then two, then more--and then another snow, a burial in winter just when spring seems to be arriving. But snow melts, the crocii seems bowed, cold, but the sun warms them, the snow melts. Bit by bit their full beauty is revealed.
Each of you is like a crocus, struggling through snow and ice and cold to come into the warmth of God's love (always shining there) and each other's healing love.
Rest under the blanket of snow that covers you now, then reemerge in the sunshine. There will probably be other snows, but bloom knowing that you are always, always loved--not just by God but by many, many others.
Peace for each of you,
Lael
I read regularly--but seldom comment. I came this morning and knew I had to comment even before I saw the post. I am so grateful that you share so much--I am blessed by my visits here. Thank you so much for sharing the ups and downs and all the beauty in your life (both the sunrise but more imporantly the love evident in your family's life).
Cindy, I have hesitated to mention this because people --and MD's - are different. I too have asthma, had it all my life. But it has been under control for the last few years.I use an Advair Diskus,one tab of Theophlline er, and Veramyst nasal spray, every day.This has worked so well for me that I thought you might ask your MD if any of it would help you.Also, I've wondered if dust etc from the makeover house might affect your allergy.Love and prayers, Elva
For what it's worth, I have noticed in my own life that when I am learning A LOT and just about to break through to another level of understanding, I can fall apart. Your kids seem to be learning so much right now with your project. I wonder if a couple of them are about to "break through." On another note, as much as I'm sure you don't want to be injured--and I'm sorry to hear you are--I hope you can rest a bit and savor any down time that you get as a result :-)
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