It is almost 3:00 am, and I was awakened by the winds howling outside, hopefully bringing us at least a dusting of long awaited snow. Despite living in Western Colorado, it has been surprisingly debatable this year if we would find ourselves celebrating a white Christmas or not.
The past week has been filled with a subtly growing anticipation for Christmas Eve as our family has gently made space and time for those things that herald the season's arrival. No, it hasn't been shopping or wandering the mall aimlessly, feeling weighed down by the mental list of items not yet purchased. Instead, it has been an intentional participation in opportunities to be together with others, and a living into being family in new ways as the "kids" are moving more into adulthood. There has been none of the frenzy that usually accompanies the holidays, and with each year's distancing from the excitement of Santa and his sleigh, a more peaceful and sacred form of the holiday has entered in.
We had a weekend filled with events as I sang in a five church combined choir, and the familiar melodies lifted my spirits. The holidays can be a little hard for me, as they can be for many, a mixed emotional bag as memories of what was in years past...or what was always desired and never was...peek in around the edges of the present and whisper words of loneliness into our heart. As I looked out from where I was singing and saw an entire pew filled with "the present" in the form of close friends, Jane and Steve, as well as Dominick and all five kids, I was reminded that what may never have been in my younger years now actually was there, and a peace settled over me. The mere fact that I have five young adults who all feel it is as important to be there for my events as I feel it is to be there for theirs is a special blessing all of its own.
Earlier that day, we sadly had to miss an event for Kenny, as mom and dad can only be in so many places at once, and work and playing taxi driver for others kept us from seeing Kenny installed as the Chaplain for this coming year for his Masonic Lodge, but never fear, Jane and Steve were there and shared photos.
Seeing the joy on Kenny's face is a strong reminder of how important having a sense of belonging truly is. He has spent years trying to find his place in the world, hoping to fit in and be able to use his unique gifts. The men at the Lodge have been such accepting and warm mentors to him, and they provide role models for a different kind of masculinity that is perfectly suited to who Kenny really is. Seeing his young self among true elders in the group photos isn't really such a surprise, as he has always been somewhat of an old soul from the moment we first met him as a tiny 8 year old boy.
As I shared with our bunch, you know you are approaching adulthood when you find yourself getting a kick out of watching younger kids, and as we were enjoying the youth of our church in worship on Sunday as they led worship, Josh was giggling beside me. Toddlers were behind us, heads popping up over the pew, enormous grins on their faces as they played peek a boo, and Josh was totally charmed. And there was another sign of impending manhood as he sweetly as attentive to one young active boy who is in need of a bit more attention.:-)
After worship, the day was spent together as a family checking out the local train display at a museum down the road from our church which was incredible, and then moving on to an open house hosted by new friends.
They are maturing, easing into young adulthood and taking tentative steps that are affirmed by the older adults in their lives. Our circumstances are not the norm with kids still in high school at far older ages, likely to be reliant on mom and dad longer than others are. The balancing act can be difficult, and I often tell myself that Dominick and I have to find the sweet spot between recognizing their needs that still exist that are not typical for their ages, and yet acknowledge and respect their emerging independence in the ways they can step into it.
Several conversations lately with each of the kids has also been a special "holiday gift" as God has used the words of each of them to touch my sometimes troubled and anxious soul. The other day, Matt and I were out practicing his driving on empty back roads, and the "lesson" began to take on an entirely different feel as we found ourselves lost in an area we didn't recognize. Grinning at one another, we shrugged our shoulders and said, "Why not?" and off we went to explore, changing the entire feel of the morning from teacher and student, to fellow adventurers!
Driving along for miles on a dirt road, we visited, my son and I. We talked about his siblings and their needs, about his own future, and about our family. In between gentle corrections with his driving and pointing out things to look out for on the road ahead, Matt did the same for me. With conviction he spoke to how wise our parenting decisions have been about homeschooling and meeting special needs, and that the judgment and criticism of others has been because of a lack of understanding...and that those outside our family will likely never, ever truly understand that our collective experience is simply too far outside the norm for the traditional parenting models to ever work.
And then, this young man of ours turned to me and said, "Mom, I know it is easy to say, but you really never have to worry about our family. We are all going to make it somehow, because we are all going to be there to help each other, even us kids helping you and dad." and I laughed and said, "Sort of like in the military, no man left behind?" and he said, "Yup, no man left behind. We're going to do it differently, and you know what? I think we all like it that way, even if others think it is wrong. It is always going to be that way for us, and part of the reason they won't understand is because they don't get what we all get, thanks to church and you and Dad...we are a team, and we all need each other in this world. Our friends need us, and we need them, and we kids all need each other and you guys, and we will always make sure we are all OK and help each other."
Yeah, that was my Christmas gift, wrapped up neatly just for me.
We stopped and got out of the car, and looked out over the vast horizon before us, both of us drinking in the site of our beloved Colorado and quietly we each talked about how we couldn't imagine living elsewhere, and how we both hoped we never had to move from here. In unison, we whipped out our phones to take photos. He shared about his flight lessons, and how beautiful and different the landscape is from above. Pointing out landmarks he was describing, he said, "One of these days, once I have my license, I will take you up, and you will see it is even more beautiful." and I looked over at this man before me, who a little earlier had also talked about he and I going kayaking together, and I realized, we had arrived at a new place in our relationship, and much like our driving that day, we were exploring together, learning the lay of the land, and very much enjoying the companionship.
We may be mother and son, but these days, we are also friends. He is a trusted confidant, as are all of the kids, really, to varying degrees as is appropriate for their developmental level.
Yesterday, another gift we all received was the gift of belonging. Oh, how splendid the gifts of this season have been! All wrapped up just for us, not in packages with bows and shiny paper, but in hugs and smiles, and words of acceptance and gratitude for our presence...the kind of gift that lasts long beyond Christmas itself.
We decided to throw school off for the day, and make the two hour long round trip to church to help with a small ministry project. Our church makes up over 100 gift bags filled with goodies to deliver on Christmas Day to those in the community who have to work on the holiday...911 dispatchers, gas station attendants, nursing home staff. It is a way of recognizing those whose efforts are often unseen and under appreciated, and a lovely gesture.
We arrived at church to be greeted with such love, and there were so many new friends who were surprised we showed up! We got right to work, and helped with preparing bulletins for worship and candles for the candle light service as well. Admittedly, the kids did more of the work, and I took pictures in between :-)
And, as often happens, it is in these seemingly insignificant moments where God reaches out and touches you. In this case, it was in an encounter I had with someone there who was working in another part of the church, who stopped to take a moment to chat. Her kind words, and the warmth in her eyes was more of a gift than she will ever realize, for she and her husband have been a steady, welcoming presence for me personally as I have forced my introverted self to adjust to the changes in my life this past year. It was a true gift from God, as are so many others in our new congregation who have embraced us, comforted us without knowing it, and welcomed us.
As Christmas draws nearer, our entire family has received gift upon gift, the kind that really matter. Gifts of presence, gifts of music, gifts of acceptance...these are the things we all receive that are priceless, and unlike "as seen on tv" items that are wrapped and offered, these are the things we won't find ourselves setting on a rummage sale a year or two later virtually untouched.
My hope is that in the next few days, everyone might receive these gifts in some form, and that on Christmas Eve, you too might look around you and recognize the love that surrounds you, and that the true Spirit of Christmas visits you and sticks around for awhile.
The past week has been filled with a subtly growing anticipation for Christmas Eve as our family has gently made space and time for those things that herald the season's arrival. No, it hasn't been shopping or wandering the mall aimlessly, feeling weighed down by the mental list of items not yet purchased. Instead, it has been an intentional participation in opportunities to be together with others, and a living into being family in new ways as the "kids" are moving more into adulthood. There has been none of the frenzy that usually accompanies the holidays, and with each year's distancing from the excitement of Santa and his sleigh, a more peaceful and sacred form of the holiday has entered in.
We had a weekend filled with events as I sang in a five church combined choir, and the familiar melodies lifted my spirits. The holidays can be a little hard for me, as they can be for many, a mixed emotional bag as memories of what was in years past...or what was always desired and never was...peek in around the edges of the present and whisper words of loneliness into our heart. As I looked out from where I was singing and saw an entire pew filled with "the present" in the form of close friends, Jane and Steve, as well as Dominick and all five kids, I was reminded that what may never have been in my younger years now actually was there, and a peace settled over me. The mere fact that I have five young adults who all feel it is as important to be there for my events as I feel it is to be there for theirs is a special blessing all of its own.
Earlier that day, we sadly had to miss an event for Kenny, as mom and dad can only be in so many places at once, and work and playing taxi driver for others kept us from seeing Kenny installed as the Chaplain for this coming year for his Masonic Lodge, but never fear, Jane and Steve were there and shared photos.
Seeing the joy on Kenny's face is a strong reminder of how important having a sense of belonging truly is. He has spent years trying to find his place in the world, hoping to fit in and be able to use his unique gifts. The men at the Lodge have been such accepting and warm mentors to him, and they provide role models for a different kind of masculinity that is perfectly suited to who Kenny really is. Seeing his young self among true elders in the group photos isn't really such a surprise, as he has always been somewhat of an old soul from the moment we first met him as a tiny 8 year old boy.
As I shared with our bunch, you know you are approaching adulthood when you find yourself getting a kick out of watching younger kids, and as we were enjoying the youth of our church in worship on Sunday as they led worship, Josh was giggling beside me. Toddlers were behind us, heads popping up over the pew, enormous grins on their faces as they played peek a boo, and Josh was totally charmed. And there was another sign of impending manhood as he sweetly as attentive to one young active boy who is in need of a bit more attention.:-)
After worship, the day was spent together as a family checking out the local train display at a museum down the road from our church which was incredible, and then moving on to an open house hosted by new friends.
They are maturing, easing into young adulthood and taking tentative steps that are affirmed by the older adults in their lives. Our circumstances are not the norm with kids still in high school at far older ages, likely to be reliant on mom and dad longer than others are. The balancing act can be difficult, and I often tell myself that Dominick and I have to find the sweet spot between recognizing their needs that still exist that are not typical for their ages, and yet acknowledge and respect their emerging independence in the ways they can step into it.
Several conversations lately with each of the kids has also been a special "holiday gift" as God has used the words of each of them to touch my sometimes troubled and anxious soul. The other day, Matt and I were out practicing his driving on empty back roads, and the "lesson" began to take on an entirely different feel as we found ourselves lost in an area we didn't recognize. Grinning at one another, we shrugged our shoulders and said, "Why not?" and off we went to explore, changing the entire feel of the morning from teacher and student, to fellow adventurers!
Driving along for miles on a dirt road, we visited, my son and I. We talked about his siblings and their needs, about his own future, and about our family. In between gentle corrections with his driving and pointing out things to look out for on the road ahead, Matt did the same for me. With conviction he spoke to how wise our parenting decisions have been about homeschooling and meeting special needs, and that the judgment and criticism of others has been because of a lack of understanding...and that those outside our family will likely never, ever truly understand that our collective experience is simply too far outside the norm for the traditional parenting models to ever work.
And then, this young man of ours turned to me and said, "Mom, I know it is easy to say, but you really never have to worry about our family. We are all going to make it somehow, because we are all going to be there to help each other, even us kids helping you and dad." and I laughed and said, "Sort of like in the military, no man left behind?" and he said, "Yup, no man left behind. We're going to do it differently, and you know what? I think we all like it that way, even if others think it is wrong. It is always going to be that way for us, and part of the reason they won't understand is because they don't get what we all get, thanks to church and you and Dad...we are a team, and we all need each other in this world. Our friends need us, and we need them, and we kids all need each other and you guys, and we will always make sure we are all OK and help each other."
Yeah, that was my Christmas gift, wrapped up neatly just for me.
We stopped and got out of the car, and looked out over the vast horizon before us, both of us drinking in the site of our beloved Colorado and quietly we each talked about how we couldn't imagine living elsewhere, and how we both hoped we never had to move from here. In unison, we whipped out our phones to take photos. He shared about his flight lessons, and how beautiful and different the landscape is from above. Pointing out landmarks he was describing, he said, "One of these days, once I have my license, I will take you up, and you will see it is even more beautiful." and I looked over at this man before me, who a little earlier had also talked about he and I going kayaking together, and I realized, we had arrived at a new place in our relationship, and much like our driving that day, we were exploring together, learning the lay of the land, and very much enjoying the companionship.
We may be mother and son, but these days, we are also friends. He is a trusted confidant, as are all of the kids, really, to varying degrees as is appropriate for their developmental level.
Yesterday, another gift we all received was the gift of belonging. Oh, how splendid the gifts of this season have been! All wrapped up just for us, not in packages with bows and shiny paper, but in hugs and smiles, and words of acceptance and gratitude for our presence...the kind of gift that lasts long beyond Christmas itself.
We decided to throw school off for the day, and make the two hour long round trip to church to help with a small ministry project. Our church makes up over 100 gift bags filled with goodies to deliver on Christmas Day to those in the community who have to work on the holiday...911 dispatchers, gas station attendants, nursing home staff. It is a way of recognizing those whose efforts are often unseen and under appreciated, and a lovely gesture.
We arrived at church to be greeted with such love, and there were so many new friends who were surprised we showed up! We got right to work, and helped with preparing bulletins for worship and candles for the candle light service as well. Admittedly, the kids did more of the work, and I took pictures in between :-)
And, as often happens, it is in these seemingly insignificant moments where God reaches out and touches you. In this case, it was in an encounter I had with someone there who was working in another part of the church, who stopped to take a moment to chat. Her kind words, and the warmth in her eyes was more of a gift than she will ever realize, for she and her husband have been a steady, welcoming presence for me personally as I have forced my introverted self to adjust to the changes in my life this past year. It was a true gift from God, as are so many others in our new congregation who have embraced us, comforted us without knowing it, and welcomed us.
As Christmas draws nearer, our entire family has received gift upon gift, the kind that really matter. Gifts of presence, gifts of music, gifts of acceptance...these are the things we all receive that are priceless, and unlike "as seen on tv" items that are wrapped and offered, these are the things we won't find ourselves setting on a rummage sale a year or two later virtually untouched.
My hope is that in the next few days, everyone might receive these gifts in some form, and that on Christmas Eve, you too might look around you and recognize the love that surrounds you, and that the true Spirit of Christmas visits you and sticks around for awhile.
No comments:
Post a Comment