Holes and Shadows

Recently I have been reflecting a lot on wholeness, and on what it takes to live a life of true joy.  This morning Angela shared a thoughtful comic today from "The Oatmeal" which explained how our understanding of "happy" might be a bit skewed, and varies from person to person.  In my mind, happiness is momentary, while joy is deep and long lasting.  But what are the obstacles to joy, or happiness if you prefer?

Holes and shadows.

We humans tend to walk around hiding our holes from one another, fearing that if anyone really, really knew us, they would turn around and run the other way.  We all have them, you know, those holes that are almost impossible to fill up, the holes that are indicators of having lived at all.  No one gets out of this world unscathed, and yet we invest so much energy trying to act as if somehow we are different from everyone else and are "hole-less".  Ego is a killer in so many ways, and it is ego that urges us to secret away our Soul Holes, thereby denying others the possibility of getting to know our truest selves.  And you know what?  Those very holes that we ALL have are the thing that ties us together, that reminds us that we are not the only ones who have suffered, that others have experienced similar sorrows, disappointments, and losses.

Holes and shadows.

Have you ever thought that those very holes that cause us to feel "less than", that force us more into ourselves and leave us less connected, are the very thing that allows new life to sprout in us?  Think about a branch, much like the one pictured above that caught my attention a week ago.  That hollow place becomes a home for birds, insects, and small animals.  Oh sure, decay can settle in, but in picturing that, isn't that the best image of "dying to one's self" so that something bigger than ourselves can settle in?

Holes and shadows.

Pain from the past shadows us, haunts us, trails along behind us just close enough to remind us that we are unworthy.  Shadows hover and envelope us sometimes when we allow them space to do their dirty work, keeping us isolated as they whisper in our ear and speak of our limitations, our failures, our disillusionment.  We feed our shadow selves with our inner dialogue, rather than cast those shadows aside...for we feel unworthy of the light.  That shadow sometimes feels protective, keeping us safe from the knowing of others, but what the shadows do is hide our own light from others who need it.

Holes and shadows.

Once in awhile, we are blessed and someone casts their light on our shadows.  They whisper new and wondrous things in our ear to counteract the Shadow Voice...things like, "You are wonderful!", "You are so kind!", "You have amazing gifts!".  Slowly, we emerge from the darkness.  Someone sees us, and we are invited into community where the best of ourselves is affirmed, and our lesser selves are quietly worked with in love.  Slowly, we see how Light alters everything.

Holes and shadows...holes and shadows...holes and shadows.

Our family has spent nearly 20 years working to acknowledge those holes and shadows, allowing them space to exist as part of each of our stories.  However, we also point toward the Light, we value what we have learned from holes and shadows as we continually reach for more...more connectedness, more healing, more recognition that we are each part hole and shadow, as well as part solid ground and light.  We lift up ALL of what makes us who we are, and in granting all parts of ourselves space to "be", we become more.

And maybe our understanding of the totality of it all will help others come out from their shadows and show us their holes...and we can be one with them, too.