Saturday, September 05, 2015

The Words are Hiding

I can't write.  I've tried off and on for days, and words aren't there, so I am giving up. I have stories to share, but everything is so hard right now, so painful emotionally and such a struggle that it doesn't seem to want to be put into words yet.  If I can't be really real, I don't want to even try because for me, writing is sacred, and it is where God and I sort of meet and talk.  Perhaps later this week I can find the ability to be a little more vulnerable, but right now I am not capable.

In the meantime, this is a photo post.  It's about all I can do right now.

A couple of weekends ago we went to the Grand Mesa and rented a cabin for a little getaway.  We have had little time together as a family, with the new business taking so much of Dominick away from us and my attention falling to the logistics, marketing, and accounting pieces.  The entire family was looking forward to our "vacation" , as that will be about all we can manage this year.  We had a lovely time.  There are also a few other photos here to share as well.

Matthew helping Dominick replace the broken blinds in our bedroom, nice to have handy sons who are growing ever taller!

I love this picture of these three! Poor Lessie is now permanently the shortest member of the family now that Joshie has grown so much.  He looks so mature in the face and body these days, it is hard to believe he is only 12.  I wasn't ready for that to happen almost overnight.

Kenny lounging around.

We ran into one of my most favorite people, Pastor Karen!  I love that though we did the unusual for us and "ditched" church to stay home and have brunch together as a family (a rare occasion for us), we didn't have to feel awkward running into her at the craft fair later.  This woman has had a profound impact on our family with her faithfulness and teachings...and love.  So lucky to count her among the LaJoy Beloved Ones!

Macho, macho man...

Best picture I have had of the girls in a long while :-)
These two are the sweetest daughters anyone could ever have.
They were worth every moment of waiting, and then some.

Relaxing in Ouray after the craft festival .

Aaaaaandd...dead to the world after a long day. 
It is hard work straddling boyhood and manhood.
He is so beautiful to me.

Josh is taking a photography class that begins this coming week, and here he is sharing a little of his knowledge with Mr. Miller.

We went to the Brass Band Festival in Silverton, our second year.  The kids LOVED it and didn't want us missing it like last year.  For some reason, I find that so funny as it is not an event attended by kids, for the most part, but it is some of the best quality of music I have ever heard with top notch musicians we are lucky to draw to this area.  I am so pleased that the kids enjoy it and begged to go again, for we have worked hard to expose them to a wide variety of music and it is nice to see that pay off a bit.

I have mentioned that Matt was working on building his own 3D printer with financial help from our friend, Miss Jane.  It has been a months long exploration into electronics and development, as he is building it from scratch.  Parts have had to be re-ordered from China, slowing things down on multiple occasions.  There has been a lot of trial and error, learning programming, modifying schematics, and more.  He is super close to having it functioning, and has spent hundreds of hours learning and growing from this experience.

He has also recently had a few paying jobs for optimizing computers long distance using, helping Miss Janet think about her future computing and wireless needs, purchasing and setting up a "cloud" server at our store, and just this evening helping one of Dominick's sales reps delete over 400 viruses on his computer. It has been such fun to sit back and watch Matt teach himself so many new skills.

It is also wonderful to have our own reliable, personal IT Guy available at no cost to us! Hahaha!

My hair looks so wild!  My "Big Girl" hopped right on my lap when Kenny grabbed my camera.

Lots of opportunities for bike riding at the cabin we rented near Vega Lake.  Also lots of opportunities for a variety of pairings of kids!

Kenny and Angie hung out together most of the weekend, talking up a storm, canoeing together, and talking long walks with mom while the others rode bikes 8 miles around the lake over and over again.

Early morning light falls on my babies.

Lounging on the front porch.  A day and a half wasn't nearly enough time, but we were grateful to have even that together.

Serenity.  Peace.  Presence.

It's S'More time!

Kenny at sunset, a picture in contemplation.

We're a team, a mighty team, and we have won some hard fought battles.
We have a lot more ahead.

Our off-road bikers had so much fun!

Matt on his birthday bike.  He put a LOT of miles on it that weekend!

Kenny trailing behind, the other boys forging the trail ahead.

Something many people don't understand about kids adopted at older ages who missed out on so much...they delight in many of the things younger kids do because they missed out on the typical touching, feeling and exploration that toddlers do.  At every turn over the weekend Angela was finding something to revel in; walking barefoot along the shore, finding a crawdad claw that was blue, pointing out a bunny near the outhouse, all of it was fascinating.

The Spirit showing off, reminding me to be still, to try and rest easy, to look for the light in the darkness. The end to a restful weekend, just what we needed.

Maybe this coming week the words will find their way to the surface, maybe not.  I hope so.


Anonymous said...

such a needed break to refresh the soul.

Anonymous said...

I just send you a big gigantic smile and hug! Yes, 2x4 grief and sitting with some very cold hard facts. But so much joy and love. And facing the cold hard facts as you are, well, you undoubtedly create a much brighter future for Kenny than he would otherwise have. There is nothing "ok" about any of this, and yet Kenny, and you, are so much more than ok is so many ways!

Thandi said...

You aren't what I was looking for but I'm glad I found you and your honesty! I'm an adoptive mom in South Africa trying to find ways of raising funds for another adoption. (No grants here in our poor country) and in my search, I found your blog. And read from the beginning to now. Praying for your family...And dear Kenny too.