Saturday, October 25, 2014

Nutshell Time

Oh Blog, I've missed you so!  I have been so busy traveling and writing for other reasons, that I have neglected to post here.  I am going to write an "In a Nutshell" kind of post, and will try and be far more prosaic in another post, maybe later this week.  For now, here are the highlights:

1)  Traveled with Kenny to Shriner's for a cleft team meeting.  It is like returning home, the staff there is so warm, and they always remember their patients, even if it has been a long time since they have seen them.  Kenny has to go back into a palate expander and braces yet again (3rd time), then another surgery to attempt for the 3rd time a palate closure.  They may be forced to take part of his cheek or tongue for tissue, but he is bothered by the opening in his palate, so it is worth it.  Probably going to be advised to pull a couple of teeth.  It was confirmed that as soon as his face grows to full maturity, he will need orthognathic surgery to break his lower jaw and bring it back to proper placement to match his upper jaw.  Yea, fun times ahead...and this young man has such a great attitude.  Shriner's also offered to do a neuro-psych evaluation for us, which might provide us with more answers about Kenny's ongoing cognitive/memory/processing issues, and that will be done December 11th back in Chicago.  Grateful for it, and yet it is another trip this year.  Seems I just get home and we have another ahead of us.

2)  Matthew and I travel to Shriner's in Salt Lake City for an appointment to schedule his back surgery, which will be after the first of the year sometime.  We have to be there on November 20th, and both of us are looking forward to time together, sans other kids.  Whenever I get time alone with any of the kids it is always a treat.  He is quite nervous about this, and I don't blame him, I am nervous, too.  Maybe the long drive will allow for time for conversation and reflection about what is ahead.

3)  Volleyball season is ending, with tournament play for all the kids but Angie tomorrow, and she will have hers next Saturday.  Looking forward to a fun day ahead, and the kids are so sad for the season to end.  I am glad to have some of the running settle down and get some schoolwork done.  Ready to settle in for the late fall and winter.

4)  Preached a sermon last Sunday, still so uncomfortable doing it.  I keep trying, hoping that one day I will find a little confidence hiding somewhere.  Not sure it will ever happen, but it is an honor to be at the pulpit anyway.  My sermon theme was about being will to say "I don't know", and as I type this it is hard not to chuckle about just how often I have had to say that over the course of the past 15 years.  It was a treat to have our former choir director play the day I preached, and with the knowledge that she and her hubby are moving in the spring, I realized I am already grieving that loss.  Funny how certain people crawl inside your heart, how I will miss her sensitive and gentle spirit, and how I have appreciated her quiet presence in my life.

5)  Olesya was treated to a shopping day for her birthday...it had been tough to schedule it so Miss Jill took her out last weekend.  Olesya looked so beautiful in the outfit they bought, and Jill's patience with the difficulty in making decisions was much appreciated.  I wish I had taken a photo of Olesya, she looked so happy and I know she felt beautiful, something she struggles with as she battles this awkward stage in life.

6)  Joshua is changing so rapidly, that from day to day I don't recognize who is in front of me!  Boy flew out the window, and Man arrived overnight.  Never seen it happen so fast in a child, and though fun to watch, he is feeling unsettled at moments and I know this hit him a little sooner than he expected, too.  I don't often think much about the outward appearances of our kids, but I looked over at him this evening, and I saw the most handsome young man before me, my heart melted a little.  Then he came up and put his head on my shoulder, and I had little Joshie again for a split second longer.  Oh, this growing up is hard on everyone, even when it is beautiful.

7)  Preparing to give birth to my new little online business is taking up an extraordinary amount of brain space and time, but it is exciting to see it take shape, sort of like watching an ultrasound screen.  God spoke a lot to me about it this past weekend, sending numerous people my direction to chat with.  I have no idea if it will be successful, but we are working hard, everyone in the family is heavily emotionally invested in it and has taken on a role.  It would be impossible without a beloved friend who is putting her talents to work to make our dream come to life on screen.  We'll see what happens, but the next couple of months will have a lot going on, and might keep me from updating the blog as much while I write content and work on other tasks.

8)  In other ways, this fall has been the sweetest ever.  Our trip did a lot to help me purge some things, and the effect was dramatic.  I am not even sure what really happened for me, but there was a deep internal shift, and life began anew.  I had been in the longest dry spell, disconnected from the spirit and from other hearts.  I have been quite lonely, actually, which probably sounds nuts in a large and loving family, but I mean lonely of a different sort.  This past week has found me circled with all kinds of loving connections, big and small, and one budding connection that is touching my heart in ways nothing has in years.  Having had a challenging couple of days with school and learning disabilities making things very hard, every little outreach of others took on great meaning.  I am straddling many worlds this past couple of years, and fitting into none of them well.  In one particular area, I just finally gave up and told God I had worked very hard to find a place for myself , but it was obviously not going to happen, so I thew my hands up...and within a couple of weeks the tide turned, maybe because I turned away and looked in a new direction.  All I know is that it feels like the Spirit is back in the driver's seat, and I am filling up to the point I can pass it on once again.  I have absolutely hated the emotional place I have been in, like being on an island with no boat drifting nearby to get me off.    The older we grow, the more internal work to be done, I guess.

Not a very thoughtful blog post, but it's all I have to offer this night.  Unfortunately, I appear to be entering another phase of insomnia, which has plagued me periodically as an adult when my mind is in overdrive and I can't pull the key out of the ignition.  While that doesn't help during the daytime, i usually bodes well for my mind and late night blogging, so who knows?  I might be blogging more than usual in the coming weeks.

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