Tonight I unexpectedly attended our Ash Wednesday service, having expected to miss it due to playing Mom Taxi. Sadly, I hate to admit that Lent snuck up on me, my mind has been preoccupied with many details about all kinds of things. It seems I have allowed that to happen a lot lately, as I have pushed God to the back burner in ways I should not. Sometimes, I think we all get so busy "doing" that we forget that we need to just "be" sometimes. Being intentional about moving God to the proper place on the front burner means, at least for me, that all other things fall into place more easily in my life. I realized tonight that Lent for me will be about reconnecting.
To do that is not always easy for me right now. Brain space is often taken up with the mundane, day to day stuff. But what if for the first time in my life, I take time every single day, just for the period of Lent, to be intentional about my faith life? What if, for the first time, I make an appointment with God each and every day, not just quickly uttered prayers on the run, in the shower, in the car? Of course I'd love to sit here and hold myself us a paragon of religious virtue, but that would be a total joke.
So, I will declare it here in an effort to hold myself accountable, I am going to make an appointment with God each and every day. I will not give up Diet Coke, I will not promise to give up sugar, or anything else other than what God holds most precious....time. I will give up time to walk and talk with God, literally. I am going to begin tomorrow and make sure that we get some "alone time" each day by going for a long walk, which has always been when I hear the Spirit whispering the most. Since I have been feeling out of touch for awhile now, I think it is important for me to dedicate myself to intentional relationship rebuilding. It is my hope that this spiritual journey that I will have a few things revealed to me, that God's will for my life and the life of our family will become more evident. I also will use this time to be sincere in a deep examination of who I am, where I need to make changes, and what I need to do to be who God wants me to be.
In addition, I am going to ask that God use me every single day of Lent to be a light to someone, even if only a very low wattage one. I try and remind myself, when at times I feel as if nothing I do makes a difference, that in a pitch black room, the dimmest of lights becomes a beacon...when there is total darkness, sometimes the thinnest sliver of light creeping in under a door is enough to keep fear, loneliness, and isolation at bay.
I don't want Lent to be in name only. I want this Lent to be about much more for me, I need it to be about more.