What a ride 2008 has already been for our family, I hope the remainder of the year has fewer ups and downs than we currently are experiencing.
This past Sunday I shared at church about our upcoming adoption plans, and didn't even realize myself how emotional I am over the whole thing until that moment. Feeling like a complete idiot, through my tears I could barely speak. The support we have in our small congregation is enormous, and has more than made up for the plentiful naysayers we have already encountered. There have been numerous negative comments already, and plenty of eye rolling. It was wonderful to be surrounded by those who know our family well, care about us, and "get it" about following God's will for our lives.
Then came a couple of evenings later when we received the bad news...we may be delayed with all of this or completely derailed by an unexpected turn of events. We are hopeful it is just yet another bump in the road that slows us down and doesn't give us a flat, but as of this writing and for awhile to come we may be living with uncertainty. Your prayers for us at this time are appreciated, for all of you have been with us from the beginning and we need you once again to hold us up and ask for His will to be clear...and the sooner the better, if I may be so bold to ask.
The boys, who have been excited about the prospect of our family growing again, are very concerned and they have been asking many questions, saying their own prayers, and often saying to me "I hope our sisters come home someday!". I am often reminded though that life does not always offer a straight path, and the crooked ones are many times much more interesting...well, I could do with less interest this time around, I'll admit :-)
So I sit here finding myself a tad bit numb over all the events recently having taken place in our lives. Not sure what to expect, not sure what the future holds, not sure whether 2008 will be joyful or sorrowful. And yet, there is a peace that I know I would not have had a few years ago. Maturity, an increased connection with God, a willingness to let it happen and not fret the small stuff that can't be changed, all of the above is helping at a time like this.
One of the biggest things that helps is having the kind of family I am blessed to have, we all love each other so darned much...that is said by all of us at least 20 times a day to one or another member of this little mismatched group. I have children who don't argue with me, who are kind to one another, who actually do treat me like the Queen I have been joked about wanting to be...racing to get car doors open for me, carrying things in for me, grabbing my arm to help me walk across ice. I know many of you are saying "Yea...right...like I believe that!" but come live here for a few days and you will see I am not exaggerating. My sons are the sons I never could have ever even imagined dreaming of. My husband is awesome, and he has set the example they happily follow...they didn't learn it from me. Just last night Matthew was laying in bed with me and I asked him "What are your 5 most favorite things to do?" and #1 on his list was "Cuddle with you", it even beat out "Playing with Legos" which told me I have really "arrived"...hahahahaaha!
But having a family like this helps when the times are hard, and having a spiritual family like we have at our church helps just as much. Interestingly, that was what our sermon this weekend was about, our spiritual family. It was very appropriate for where we are right now, and perhaps it was written just for us as God knew what I needed to hear. I needed to be reminded that in spite of downturns and sorrows, despite those who might not understand, there is a place we can turn for support and love and encouragement, and in our case, very little judgmentalism exists in our congregation.
So, as we are still strapped into our Adoption Roller Coaster, we pray that what our desires are will turn out to be what God desires for us as well. We remain in our car, waiting for another go round and will see what lies ahead. If you could be standing just outside the fence cheering us on, it sure would make us smile!