I am going to be a guest speaker at Adoption Alliances training this weekend, and I am putting together some ideas for what I will be talking about. Matthew will be going with me so we have a special Mommy and Matthew weekend ahead of us, which I am really looking forward to. I know he is only 8 but he is such a neat, interesting, intelligent little guy and is great fun to be with. Matthew also wanted to speak a little at the training so it will be very interesting to see what he has to ay from an 8 year old perspective. I am very proud of him wanting to do it and figured it would be best if I did it in question and answer format for him with me asking questions and him responding.
So as I put this together I realized I have the best people to bounce this off of right here who are my blog readers! Do any of you have any suggestions for topics that would interest you if you were attending? What do you think I should absolutely include? Do you have any ideas for questions for Matthew that you would be curious to learn what his response was? If you are a waiting parent, what is your biggest fear or concern? I realized as I was writing some material that with this having been our 3rd adoption many of those initial fears have receded and I am trying to dredge them up...maybe you can give me some reminders. After all, for us at this stage it is more like "OK...so let's see...we'll hop the plane and go get our son!" and not "Oh My Gosh! I can not believe we are really really going to do this strange thing!!!!"..we were there the first time around but not for time #2 or #3 :-)
Please give me your input, I am really anxious to see what you all think! You can comment on the blog or via email to CyndiLJ@aol.com . Thanks so much!!
3 comments:
Hi Cindy
I don't no what it is, when I go to the baby orphanage, but I don't feel the same heart ache when I see them as I do when I am in the orphanages for older kids.... I guess that the future is so much brighter for the babies... even if they stay in the system they will never have to face what those of even a few years ago faced. I spend time with these older kids, and I can't help but think.... if only people knew.... there is so much love just waiting.... We are told in North America that one way to see into a childs soal is to hand them a box of crayons and when they use the dark crayons and draw with thick scribbles it is a sign of trama...... I handed out boxes crayons and paper to over 500 orphans ( I have seen into their files ...not pleasent)..... what I got in return where 500 picturs of flowers rainbows, and brightly coloured "dream families". I know you are a wonderfull spoksperson for adopting older children....talk about WHAT YOU KNOW.
thank you for doing your part.
blessings John
Dear Cindy,
As a waiting parent with two referrals but no girls, your blog is a godsend to me. We are experienced parents, but I like the fact that you had no children before adopting. Those parents really have the hardest road, I think, so your advice should really be beneficial to them.
For your speech, even though your audience may not all be religious, I think you should not be afraid to discuss how your faith helps and has guided you. That is a powerful part of your blog and helps remind me of where I need to go for strength.
Frankly, your post about RAD was one of the most moving things I have ever experienced, and adopting a 4 and 6 year old, something that weighs heavy on my "fear" list. I hope you can "go there" without divulging too much to Matthew, who will be in the room.
I know you will advocate for older children and for boys. We have 4 boys (2 adults) so I think we are entitled to some gender balancing in our family, but I feel badly that so many seem to want to adopt girls. I think many fear the potential disruption of a strapping adopted boy, so your love of boys should be helpful toward getting more of them out of orphanages. We had already fallen in love with our daughter from a waiting child photo before I began to realize the need for boys to be adopted, but it would be nice if newbies could be reassured that boys are wonderful and really need homes!
Lastly, I think your voice could help remind potential parents that this is not about them. I think those moving from infertility to adoption have to face a loss in that really, orphanage kids just inherently have greater risks than bio newborns. But, to be fair, somewhere between the idea that adoption could help them find a family and the actual plane ride home, these folks need to change their perspective if they want to avoid becoming one of the disruption statistics. They just cannot expect that fairy tale ending with an angry child who has been damaged by neglect and mistreatment, and the parents need to know that the happy ending is there, but may require some serious work to get there. You did the work for Josh, and your blog points out the sweetness of success. Many prospective adopters are both afraid of getting "damaged" children, or determined only to find that perfect child. Maybe you can soften the reality that they may get a child with some dents, but it will still be a wonderful family in the end.
You are so thoughtful and kind, I know your speech will help others. Good luck trying to encourage their enthusiasm for adoption while educating them on the realities of this path.
God bless, Sherry
What a terrific opportunity, to inform people about adopting older kids! I envy you. If I were facing such a task I would focus on the fact that although older kids present unique challenges, they are so rewarding to parent. Tell them how your son felt when he had his first birthday party at school. Share some moments with them. So much of what people hear about older child adoptions, I would focus on the positive. I just spoke to a lady yesterday who is thinking about adopting an older child and I said although we have had challenges, I feel so lucky to have these children in my life! I know you do, too. Good luck!
Dee
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