tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post7334810007298214125..comments2024-03-08T13:52:22.224-07:00Comments on LAJOY FAMILY: A Different Sense of LossCindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-82292440488920886402009-03-13T04:02:00.000-06:002009-03-13T04:02:00.000-06:00Don't look back....it cannot be had....you've reac...Don't look back....it cannot be had....you've reached your goal already-did you know that? He's in a loving Christian home-I promise, this is what God wants for him. The rest will come. "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:13-14<BR/>So many times I've regretted the past for our children and for my inexperience so many years ago and how that may have hurt them. But you learn to look forward and do the best with each day.<BR/>Articulation, until he has more repairs will always have him behind in that area-he won't spell right, etc, etc, but it WILL come. Oh how I hate homeschooling but have done it off and on throughout the years due to one child's needs or another. It's more flexible than you think. Yes!! Push for services-get pointers to do your own things at home. It will be fine. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 You love Him, Cindy. Again, you're pleased our Savior so much by taking in these fatherless children. You are raising His children just the way He would want you to...you'll figure this out. Kenny WILL catch up one day.Carrie DeLillehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07130418114627916690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-39689393301416440662009-03-12T13:10:00.000-06:002009-03-12T13:10:00.000-06:00While it maybe true that there are not regrets abo...While it maybe true that there are not regrets about the lost years for those who's children are adopted very young, I think it is less likely for those of us who adopt older children (not toddlers) with challanges. There is a loss for what their potential would have been, what they could have done, what their life could have been, how much eaiser life could be for them. Not saying that they can't/don't/won't have a great life. The "only ifs" are bound to pop up now and again as you see your child struggle, unable to do things those his age do or the frustration in him.<BR/><BR/>It is much easier if your child does not see the differences for themselves. My older daughter is unaware but a little part of me dies everytime I seen the look in my younger daughter's eyes when she see others doing something she knows she can not do and wants to, relationships she can't have because of her limitations caused by her years in the institution. The pain does not totally go away, it is just not right there waiting to happen. It does came back like it was yesterday every time you read about someone with the same issues, pain, struggles.<BR/><BR/>Kenny and you will have to learn to find a work around or an acceptance of that lost time and ground. It will come because you will either learn to live with it or find a way aroung it so it is not an issue. Having said that, it still hurts that my younger daughter's issue are almost 100% enviromental and that she will never be the person she was born to be - that none of her issues had to be. But she has many more issues then Kenny has.<BR/><BR/>When my girls came home 15+ years ago, a therapist told me to let the schools do the teaching and concentrate on everything else they needed to learn - to just be mom. There is so much more then school that they need to know to be sucessful in life.<BR/><BR/>You will fingure out what is best for Kenny at that moment and it may change in a couple of months as he grows. Have faith that in the end with your support and guidence that it will be ok. It is easy to second quess yourself but you really do know what is best for him - no matter what the "experts" say.<BR/><BR/>Years from now when Kenny is a young man, you will see that you and Kenny have done your best. You will look back and see the progress he has made, the wonderful young man he has become - and if you are as much like me as we seem to be - look at the wonderful progress HE made, how far HE came, and how wonderfuly HE is and totally ignore that you had any part of it!!!!! Life will give you no choice in letting the "only ifs" fall by the way side and your focus be on the man he has become.<BR/><BR/>Hang in there.<BR/> <BR/>catherine n.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-43265828834843688072009-03-12T12:58:00.000-06:002009-03-12T12:58:00.000-06:00Cindy, I know exactly where that "what if" spot w...Cindy, I know exactly where that "what if" spot within your soul is coming from. Being the mother of a child with autism, there have been many "if only, What if" moments, I feel for you, I grieve for Kenny, but I have confidence that you are giving the best education through your love and example. See you Saturday, Hugs and BlessingsAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-57297607242132315302009-03-12T12:05:00.000-06:002009-03-12T12:05:00.000-06:00Cindy, no, you can't get those years back, you can...Cindy, <BR/><BR/>no, you can't get those years back, you can only do as best as you can from here on out. It is OK, honest. Kenny will be OK. Promise. I would put it in a different frame - which is perhaps it is not the education that makes a man, nor is the education system the front line of identifying and encouraging intelligent and innovative people to thrive. I know this is a struggle and you want to do your best for him, but trust that you are doing all that you can. Hugs from LVAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-47929043139060071392009-03-12T08:59:00.000-06:002009-03-12T08:59:00.000-06:00Kenny is receiving the most important kind of educ...Kenny is receiving the most important kind of education and learning from you and Dominick: how to love, share, be part of a family, help others, and most of all, knowing God. School learning is important too, but plenty of people get advanced degrees without learning the values that carry us through life and relationships. Sometimes this is called “emotional intelligence.” This doesn’t lessen the pain of the lost years and “what might have been,” but I believe it shows great hope for a future young man who will be compassionate and understanding of the needs and weakness of others.<BR/><BR/>Peggy in VirginiaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-77301534276404503362009-03-12T06:59:00.000-06:002009-03-12T06:59:00.000-06:00HI Cindywhile i was reading, I wondered whether yo...HI Cindy<BR/>while i was reading, I wondered whether you had considered homeschooling for a while to see if that would help him progress to a point where it would become easier for him. But I also understand your point that you want to keep it separate - mum and teacher. Im not sure on the answers - I have it easier as my boy will jsut be held back a year as he hasnt started school yet and although I think he would go well with the socialisation, I also dont want him to start when he is developmentally behind and way small for his age. <BR/>Sorry Im not really encouraging here :( but my heart goes out for you. Watching your loved son struggle can not be an easy thing at all<BR/>Hugs<BR/>JoyceJoycehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11103468879639388287noreply@blogger.com