tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post5374305723320004204..comments2024-03-08T13:52:22.224-07:00Comments on LAJOY FAMILY: Hospitality and AdoptionCindy LaJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16486626867331586704noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-81875223503738652122010-02-01T13:39:21.361-07:002010-02-01T13:39:21.361-07:00Cindy, every time I visit your blog and read the w...Cindy, every time I visit your blog and read the words from your heart, I feel like I'm taking a Master's class on adoption and parenting.<br /><br />Thank you for so freely sharing what is on your heart!Truly Blessedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14038333888405690505noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-48246604237840339802010-02-01T11:07:51.279-07:002010-02-01T11:07:51.279-07:00Wow there is a lot going on in that head of yours!...Wow there is a lot going on in that head of yours! A lot of what you said hit home and some of it gave me pause about the things I have done.<br /><br />The only thing I would add is that you will make mistakes and it's not the end of the world. Everyone makes mistakes and we learn from them.Maureennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-44168558816040295772010-02-01T07:11:54.148-07:002010-02-01T07:11:54.148-07:00I never thought of adoption in terms of hospitalit...I never thought of adoption in terms of hospitality, but your thoughts remind me that it truly is. I guess opening our home "forever" to a child is showing "unending" hospitality. Our first three adoptions were just adding a child to our family, A child needed a family, and we wanted a bigger family. First adoption...US newborn, adoptions #2and #3...Guatemalan, both four year olds. Knowing there were much older children waiting at the orphanage, we didn't consider them "older child". It still was a little more about us wanting more kids, though still about wanting to adopt and be family for a child. Both adjustments were a cinch, except for adjusting to boys after four girls. STILL sometimes an adjustment for me! <br /><br />Adoption #4...10yr girl. NOT always easy, as you know. Still very do-able...so we did it again, two years later. #5...also a wonderful daughter, but hardest in terms of her adjusting to being mothered by me. <br /><br />It finally dawned on me, after some of the difficulties with our #4 adoption, that this IS a ministry. I never wanted to think that, or for my kids to ever feel that way about themselves. They are just our kids. But when the harder struggles came, I looked needed to look around and remind myself that not many people do this. It's ok to let myself feel that it was a good thing we did for our kids. It was a good thing that we obeyed the call God put on our hearts to adopt, because it was never really just about us wanting more kids. I never had trouble getting pregnant, so that was still probably a very viable option. We didn't want to create more kids, when there were kids in the world who needed family. <br /><br />How on earth to respond when people "compliment" us for doing such a "good thing" by adopting our kids? I don't want to hear it, nor want my kids to hear it. But now I can to admit to myself that it's true. And it was good and right for us to obey God's Word to care for the widow and the orphan. <br /><br />I've read on some adoptions sites where people are adamante that they did NOT adopt to "save a child", like that would be a terrible thing. "No", they say," we did it for strictly selfish reasons." But truth be told, doing something very good for a child was part of the equation for us. Of course we wanted another child, and another, and another! But we also did it because that was a need in a child's life. We wanted to share our blessings with someone who would benefit from the same. But we did NOT do it for any sort of recognition. We DON'T want to be sainted for it! <br /><br />On those more difficult days with our last two daughters (difficult of course for them also, because of all they've had to adjust to), reminding myself that this is a good and important thing we did and are doing for this child is what sometimes keeps me going, keeps it all in perspect, as we struggle through some of the grief and bonding. There's no denying, they DID need a mom and dad to guide them into adulthood. If I were only doing this for the love a child might give back to me or the joy a child brings to our family, the days she hasn't given either of those things would have been very difficult to navigate. <br /><br />I don't know if it's right or wrong to think of adoption this way, but remembering that I'm doing this for God, because He put it on our hearts to do, helps me keep on keeping on as we pass through the darker moments. Most days are not like that. Most days, she's just my beautiful daughter, one of six daughters God has blessed us with. But I think it's ok to buoy myself up on those days she makes the journey of older child adoption a challenge. <br /><br />I hope this makes sense. I just know that it was truly freeing for me to allow myself to feel these things and to remind myself that it is a good and right thing to love a child. <br /><br />Nancy in the MidwestAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-45763843174297959122010-01-30T19:32:34.248-07:002010-01-30T19:32:34.248-07:00Thanks so much for this post, and for the hospital...Thanks so much for this post, and for the hospitality of your blog! I have lurked and read here for a couple of years as I researched and made the decision to adopt and then made my slow way through paperwork and process. I am leaving in less than 2 weeks to meet my 7 year old daughter in Ethiopia, and this was an incredible help in focusing lots of thoughts about how to begin our life together! Thank you- it has been so great to follow along with your great adventure too.<br /><br />Liz in NYCLiznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-25717605334026262212010-01-30T18:43:37.855-07:002010-01-30T18:43:37.855-07:00So, when you finally come to visit me you won'...So, when you finally come to visit me you won't be offended when I say, "Get it yourself, you're family!"?Hilary Marquishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17074833890977655054noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-70980044991362086692010-01-30T13:11:48.402-07:002010-01-30T13:11:48.402-07:00WOW! This post is such a jewel, Cindy!! As a Mom...WOW! This post is such a jewel, Cindy!! As a Mom (non-adoptive), I've learned a lot, too, that can be applied to my life! Your writing, as always, is sincere, thoughtful and thought-provoking! Thank you for being you!! We love and miss you! Hurry home!!Lenorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15384435816856914734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-29839684338579011102010-01-30T12:16:34.424-07:002010-01-30T12:16:34.424-07:00Glad I read your blog today.. Much learned. Thank...Glad I read your blog today.. Much learned. Thanks. :)<br /><br />ShellyBellasmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18348482650528362277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-71045100776575082922010-01-30T10:01:20.483-07:002010-01-30T10:01:20.483-07:00Thank you for teaching me about hospitality and fo...Thank you for teaching me about hospitality and for connecting it with adoption. You see there is only one pinball although there are many bumpers and obstacles. The ball bounces around but it is one--hospitality, adoption, children. Your family is open-armed and hospitable to all of us who know you. Through your blog you have been hospitable to countless people you will never meet in the flesh. Thank you for your hospitality and for reminding me what hospitality can be. Your journey with the boys has helped to prepare you for the obstacles and bumpers you have found on this part of the journey. You are winners.<br /><br />Love,<br />LaelAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-43950587905384342072010-01-30T09:12:13.025-07:002010-01-30T09:12:13.025-07:00To that very point, my 4 1/2 year old is from Kaz,...To that very point, my 4 1/2 year old is from Kaz, adopted at 1 year old. He is just now asking questions about the process of being adopted. And he is comparing it with his sister's experience, she is now 9 months old adopted domestically, and he knows her experience very well. Of course she never spent any time in an orphanage -- and he went to the hospital with me to pick her up, when she was 4 days old.<br /><br />We are having to explore what an orphanage is and what it might mean to him... I am doing everything I can to make it a normal part of his experience but recognize, and honor the fact, that it's a different adoption story than his baby sister's.<br /><br />Those ladies at that baby house were wonderful. They loved him and were so happy when he got a forever family. He deserves to know that and be proud of it.<br /><br />Kathy WKathy Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11579713798455454316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-83086660162639045172010-01-30T08:44:25.844-07:002010-01-30T08:44:25.844-07:00Welcoming with open arms and an open heart is the ...Welcoming with open arms and an open heart is the best hospitality you could provide anyone. Martha would be proud. I do have to say that it upsets me to see adoptive parents trying to "erase" their child's history before the adoption. Like life really started when the child joined their family and they don't want to even think about the fact that the child had a life, and history, and heritage, and family before that. Good for you for recognizing it and accepting it and celebrating it when appropriate.Kelly and Snehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12694012810022647105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35990418.post-2210482555234828502010-01-30T05:30:16.893-07:002010-01-30T05:30:16.893-07:00I am so glad that was bouncing in your head...I fo...I am so glad that was bouncing in your head...I found much reassurance in the hug paragraph. As we travel to meet our new girls next week I have been stressing out about whether or not I should run up and hug our new 8 year old or if it will stress her out...my new plan is to just express myself with hugs unless it is totally obvious she can't handle it. Akwardness be gone!Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13134327455413087261noreply@blogger.com